Half-life of social media trends, Michael Jackson, iPhones, and electric toothbrushes

Well in a round about sort of way it was whilst brushing my stunt pegs the other day that I stumbled upon the idea of information [or influence] half-life and electric toothbrushes. So here is a quick Oral B-analogy - not aural, what am I the speaking clock? Anyway someone else already had that idea, relatively speaking, quite a short time ago, and look, its virtually dead o’clock, way below 200 meters, already.

Shit stinks and it rots. Every can of bull shit beans on the shelves at Waitrose / Happy Shopper [delete as appropriate - according to your geographic, demographic, iPhone or toaster prefs] has a shelf life, whatever shits in it. Whatever you read on the label the crap within the tin won't ever last forever, but traces of the metal and meat within will linger like toxic waste. However Bad your shit is it’s destined to be sucked up, shit or spat out, and sometimes swallowed - [consumed one way or another]. And swallowing is bad for you - ask your dentist.

What's this electric toothbrush shit mean? There’s nothing in life better than brushing your pegs with a brand new, fully charged electric toothbrush, sporting a brand new head, for the first time. Over time, the more you brush, the more your brush gets bent, the head gets dirty, the battery fizzles and your smiles yellow. Similarly ideas, information, thoughts, trends, information, buzz, hype and absolute nonsense all get spat out, consumed, tired and less effective over time and use [call it popularity] as more and more people [aka the girlfriend / baby / crowd] uses your brush and wear away at the consumables. The same tipping-point b-analogy would naturally work for razor blades.

So what’s my worn out bristly / razor sharp point? Just like the nasty stuff we were shipping off to Brazil and Africa for recycling on the cheap, the bad press lingers, but looses potency over time, like the depleting waste's toxicness, only much faster. So, however good your brush is, however clever your trend or idea was, however popular MJ’s Thriller album was at the time, its not going to be as effective, popular, or potent tomorrow as it was when it hit the moon dancing floor the first time, and will probably be less popular / relevant / newsworthy the day after that.

Depending upon how your shit's distributed and the potency of your shit the half-life can be super short or seemingly infinate and for sure it can be re-packaged, re-shipped or re-charged [like a quickly released greatest hits album to pay for your gold coffin] but it aint never gonna feel the same as the first time and will forever taint popular culture / blow Bubbles / ruin your super-charged death hyped street cred.

Now for all of you numskulls that can’t read between the lines, here is some chatter from Twitter that I think sums it all up quite nicely, in response to a slightly different question posed by a clever guy called Justin. Probably, not definately maybe --->

• By the time something has become a trending topic, clicking on it returns 80% spam. Is there a pre-spam apex for still-relevant hashtags?
• @JustinKownacki I have a theory ---> its called information half-life, trends & electric toothbrushes. Potency depletes over time / use.
• @benferrier You may be right. Which means that (as an extreme definition) by the time anything becomes popular, it's irrelevant.
• @JustinKownacki In immediate period after conception/distribution, a short period of super-charge [hype] then irrelevance. can be re-charged.
• @benferrier At least a topic has increased (post-irrelevance) awareness to help fuel a recharge. But "improved" is never as sexy as "new."
• @JustinKownacki Absolutely - that's why its so nice to use a brand new fully charged electric toothbrush for the first time ;]

Blow me Barack Obama is snooping me on LinkedIn

Blow me. Barack Obama is [maybe McCain] snooping me on LinkedIn. Proof. As posted on Twitpic.

So I was just checking who's been snooping me on LinkedIn and only the President of the United States of the America turned up in my snoop list, right under the right dishonourable McCain oven chip. Time to upgrade to LinkedIn premium to get to the real truth? Not likely. Apparently I'm just one connection away from being BO's best buddy. White House here I come.

Micro hooker robots taking over the world?

I love robots. Big ones, small ones, clever ones, dangerous ones armed to the teeth, stupid ones, subservient ones and robots with a social conscience. So I'm taking a look at www.robo.to today after stumbling across it in the New York Times in an article by Jenna Wortham about micro video blogging. It's really quite interesting and this robo creature could take over the world. Unless the real world wakes up one day and says fuck it lets go outside and roll in some mud, it's not like we need more robots.

It's like Twitter meets LinkedIn meets Flickr meets YouTube all in one boiled down n spicy robo-reggae-sauce. The main big deal is the 4 second video status update. You can use photos too. Shoot something and send it in. Update your Facebook and Twitter profile instamatically. Bobs yer uncle. If you shoot over 4 secs it even chops your movie down. Hey presto no fiddly editing. Best of all its super simple and uses some slick 2zero tech with sweet n savoury features.

This things gonna go two ways, it's highly likely to get swamped by porn and bot vid hookers, crammmmmed full of daily dull as dishwater drearyness [I'm already bored of the guy eating food], or people are gonna use it to be super creative ---> in 4 second flat-pack robo style.

Good robo things:

1. Looks great. Sounds great - it's got personality on so many different levels. Almost works great too.

2. Upload 4 sec updates via email works, really fast. And you can get a fresh private mailto address on the fly. Neat. P.S. I don't have an iRobot Phone.

3. Features in simple flexible modules like GoogleMe (sweet), LinkedIn, Google map that lets you can choose zoom level for privacy [or for hookers right down to your favourite back alley]. And no need to click save for everything you do. My mum wouldn't have a clue - in a good way. Mind you failed to get Flickr working (no bother).

Bad robot and annoying stuff:

1. My robo profile page [http://robo.to/benferrier] failed to display the movies I uploaded by email ;-< Plain daft. The same videos work fine in the robo TV mode. Derrrrrrr.

1.1 Actually robo fans the TV mode should be the default view really. The movies r where the robo meal ticket is right? Currently its a bit disjointed and it's a bugger to get to - you'd never know it was there if you didn't find it. Obvious. Obviously.

2. Can not edit the video names / tags once you've uploaded / added them - the only option is to delete videos completely. Not a big deal. Not a big ask? Pain in the rusty robo ass.

3. Embed code for 4 sec vids flips the video inside out. Weird. Actually quite funny if you're using text - hey presto instant geek Greek - or if your face is asymmetrical or if you have a tattooed face [dick head].

Stupid ideas of my own:

1. Suck in Facebook friends, Twitter followers / followings, friend feed chums, noble country-men etc automatically into 'my crowd' - make crowd forming as easy as finding Elton Johns phone number in the men's room.

2. Import my Favourites list on to my profile - from IE etc, Twitter or both. Would be quite cool for LinkedIn, Blogger, Facebook too. Let people know what you're into etc. Has anyone done that already? It's a bit of a spazzer idea int it.

3. Give my robo weapons of mass social destruction. Give him an Androidian upgrade and dusty bins your uncle your one giant robo step away from landing synthetic human kind on Mars. Enuff.

4. Have some robo fun. What about a robo dufus of the day, global mexican robo wave app, robo Guess Who, all you can doodle, say, or do 4 second robo contest.


Right then, I've shared my ideas with the guys @particle on their handy feedback site. Actually I haven't in all this glorious filthy detail. Read my feedback on Get Satisfaction. BTW it was annoying that I had to sign in separately to feedback using GS. If only I could sign in with Twitter, Facebook, Google or my Robo details etc would have been nice. Grumbling bastard aren't I. Look forward to seeing this lot sorted out by this time next week.

Go robo. Thanks.

UPDATE 23rd Sept: Great service in response to my feedback to the guys at robo.to. Seems my profile card videos are working for you humans out there in the inter-world, but not for me when I'm logged in. Here's a shot of my robo page as it should look like all the time above and when it's buggy below..

Drawing the week to a frightening fishy end

Drawing the week to a close with one final blast at permanently scaring my daughter with Billy the Fish meets Dracula (see above). She's really getting the hang of this. Now the great fart debate ---> Fish and chips or curry for supper tonight?

50 something funny Twitter strips

I've become something of a Twitter addict and this made me chuckle brother. A fat 50+ thick collection of comic strips about Twitter over at Cheth Studios. Take a peek, have a giggle. Don't take life to seriously.

Are art teachers freaking out the kidz?

Breaking yet another, actually two of the seven deadly sins of blogging, again... Here are a few sketches from today's killer cat drawing session with the nipper, who's learning to recognise shapes and words (eyes, legs, ears etc), to put pen to paper in the right (and wrong - see below) places, and to keep her crayons* within the lines. Posing a few questions I'm not one hundred percent sure I know the right answer to, from a responsible parenting point-of-view at least. *Medium un-specific - note the use of felt tip on paper in these works.

Drawing in the lines vs outside the lines: Is teaching children to draw within the lines stifling creativity, or just a natural process? Nuture vs. Nature etc. Can you force creativity? Should you force it? I'm thinking inside vs. outside-the-line / outside-the-box or wild-sky-thinking ---> whatever the latest buzz word is. It's all just a big bunch of stinking cods-wallop anyway. I'm sitting on the wall, with my spray can at the ready and just letting this creative river flow baby.

I'm loving the slightly in and slightly out the line thinking in these sketches, and her interpretation of the subject matter works on so many different levels. The best part is when her drawing extends off-the-canvas on to her hands, face, legs, clothes, me, my hands, my arms and my clothes. Is this an early sign of my child understanding the concept of trompe-l'œil? Is she the next (she) Banksy, or should she/I be locked away with the Prinzhorn Collection?

Freaking out the kidz: I just can't help but sketch outlines of freaky scary killer animals for the litte-un to fill in/out. Is she actually trying to scribble the scary monsters out of existence, or is she just following nature innocently? Parenting is all about protecting innocent minds? Well I'm not so sure and anyway what harm can it possibly do. Compared to the above line dancing issue, it's by far the lesser of two very evil cats and surely the toughest cat gets the cream.

Are these drawings or my approach to teaching art worrying you? I welcome the opinion of a qualified child art critic or a psychiatrist. Right she's woken up from her afternoon nap. Time to go throw bread at the ducks and stamp on mole hills in the park.

The worlds smallest mutant tomato

Introducing the worlds smallest mutant tomato. This wee fella measuring in at about the size of a 2p coin side to side (not end to end) was harvested at the weekend. It's from a naturally occurring small tomato variety but it's mutated to take the form of a pigs swollen knackers, with a eunuch stump. I'm not going to go in to gory detail about the tiny seed. I'm going to eat it soon. Unless I receive any tasty offers in the region of £250 upwards - make me an offer. Due to international fruit-porn restrictions unable to post overseas. Will swap for funny spuds / religious fruit.

If you liked this then you'll probably like this weather phenomenon from @AdamAndDan.

The community mouse catcher

I'm going to write some show and tell shit here about the freaky mouse fearing family down the street who are completely shit scared of live mice, or too posh to pounce. Sorry Pete ---> You know how inappropriate I can be. Please don't sue me.

To save community embarrassment / neighbourly shame / fun poking at the local pub, let's just call him neighbour "P", knocked on my door and asked me if I would come over and catch a potentially murderous mouse - because he's seen me holding a mouse the other day on my doorstep (quite true, don't ask). I thought it was a fantastic rouse to get me out to the pub for a few beers. Nope. So after copious amounts of "Are you serious?" it transpired quite seriously they had a mouse in the house.

Quote neighbour "P" ---> "I'm a record producer, I don't catch mice" or something like that.

Anyway after cornering the harmless furry rodent they didn't want to touch the thing and they wouldn't let the cat at it. In the process they'd turned the conservatory (not just any conservatory mind) totally upside down - sofas, rugs, coffee tables, the whole designer works. All on its head. Really it was like a kids play room / earth quake. Unbelievable. Royalty. Anyway problem quickly solved. Offending mouse dutifully picked up and lobbed over the patio wall in to the orchard (not just any old garden). He'll be back mind, with his mates, guns and knives ---> See artist's impression above. I'm sorry I laughed in your faces and asked if you'd been taking LSD in front of the kids. Jeeesus. Pussies.

So if you're in a tight mouse hole / spot and nobody else can help you. Just send me a fax or call and I'll be straight over to catch your mouse and sort you out. 0800 MOUSE CATCHER.

UPDATE ---> Because every tale should have a meaningful ending and one or two morals. Here are my mousey tail's salient points; 1) It's great to know you have a special skill that the community can call upon, even just once in a lifetime and even if your special skill is mouse holding, it's well funny and great that people can call upon you in times of great need. 2) Protect the weak and love thy mice fearing neigbours. That'll do micely.

P.S. Note to self. Remind me to write and update on the great Damien Hirst art crime story, including The Telegraph art cock up of the century, and to let you in on Becks plans to roll my "Dicks" design as the new bottle label globally! See my amazing Dicks entry and @Becks_Beer 09/09/09 for the scoop.

Holding Hirst's pencils to ransom

Love this art crime story from 100Artworks. Funny, crazy and a bit mental. I've actually gotta lotta respect for Mr Hirst and his own bottle... Long story. You just have to admire this street kids cheek though. The fullish story below as reported by 100Artworks today.

And read on if you want to buy a plastic fish by the shark fin soup man himself. ---> No kidding a real Damien Hirst shark for sale.

Cartrain has Stolen Damien Hirst's Pencils Theft or Ransom?

16 year old graffiti artist Cartrain walked into the Tate Britain (London) and removed a packet of pencils from one of Damien Hirst exhibits. Damien Hirst and Cartrain have a long-standing rocky history. Earlier this year Hirst targeted the young graffiti artist Cartrain using Design and Artists Copyright Society (DACS) for breach of copyright infringement on his latest series of artworks being sold via 100artworks.com.

The box of very rare "FABER CASTELL dated 1990 Mongol 482 series" pencils were removed from Damien Hirst's "PHARMACY installation" by Cartrain on Thursday the 2nd of July around 4pm. Not long after the pencils were removed from the installation a fake police 'appeal for assistance' posters appeared all around London.

This is the latest in a string of events surrounding the feud between the two artists. It began when Damien Hirst contracted the Design and Artists Copyright Society (DACS) to send a string of legal letters to Cartrain's art dealer Tom Cuthbert at 100artworks.com in regards to Cartrain's series of artworks 'For the Love of God'. The online gallery surrendered the artworks to Damien Hirst with a verbal apology. The legal grounds in which Hirst requested the artworks are very questionable and the story spread across the Internet like wild fire. The Independent, The Times, The Telegraph, The Guardian, The Daily Mail, Popbitch and many other online blogs reported it.

The urban art communities are currently heavily debating the actions of Cartrain and what his next steps will be. Is this a random act of vandalism or a calculated guerilla art stunt? Only time will tell.

Cartrain's Demands...

For the safe return of Damien Hirst's pencils I would like my artworks back that DACS and Hirst took off me in November. It’s not a large demand. He can have his pencils back when I get my artworks back. DACS are now not taking any notice of my emails and I have asked nicely more than five times to try and resolve this matter. Hirst has until the end of this month to resolve this or on 31st of July the pencils will be sharpened. He has been warned.


---> More on this art crime story. And don't forget to enter your own childish art in to my very own international talented street urchin and streetwise elephant art competition.

P.S. Real plastic hirst shark for sale

Let me know if you want to buy a unique completely authenticated 100% real plastic shark signed by the shark man himself. Like I said, a long story. Serious bids starting in the region of £150,0000 considered. Leave yer bids below. I just can't be arsed to stick it on Ebay.

LEGO house by James May design wizard

I saw this brick shit on Design Milk and thought how stupid but how brilliant. Most titillating is that James May is mentioned as if he's some kind of design wizard and not the big kid that we (in the UK) all know him to be. Neat though hey. Totally stupid though. What next from mr May? A yellow brick road? LEGO house by James May in the UK. Posted using ShareThis.

UPDATE 23rd Sept: OMG they are going to shred it with a chainsaw! Tossers. What a stupid idea. Read all about it and see pictures of the finished thingy. Plus comments from some very grumpy lego fans at www.brothers-brick.com.