Top Secret Twitter Lists Leaked

I've just been given access to Twitter’s spanking brand new BETA lists. Twitter asked me not to tweet them. So here they are on Flickr and on my blog.

If this is really a BETA and not just a leak baiting exercise then frankly I'm disappointed there is nowhere to send my feedback and ideas back to Twitter HQ. I'm still slightly honored mind.

So far pretty neat. I have three broad niche interests 1. Marketing and the web, 2. Art and design, 3. General stupidity. This is going to be really useful to classify my twits, cut through the twitter mist, find and share the good stuff with the right people.

So wasssup?

Managing your lists could do with a little tweaking. As could adding folk to lists and knowing which folks are already in lists. It would be useful to add a description for your lists. And my god, those poor suckers with tens of thousands of followers may as well start again.

Idea: Would be super-cool if you could broadcast tweets to specific lists. Call it a relevance filter.

Did I miss this on Mashable BTW?

The mummified mouse in a vintage tortoise trap

Something dead funny for the squeekend

If you follow me on Twitter, Facebook or FriendFeed etc you’ll probably know all about the cunning cat that nobbled my lunch yesterday. Dam that hungry thieving cat. Anyway that got me thinking about the headless mice that the blood-thirsty cats keep bringing in. And I remembered the tail of the emaciated mouse...

This time last year we were raiding the outlaws attic for a vintage pram and vintage pushchair and dusting them down when we stumbled upon a box of musty vintage toys. Don’t ask me about vintage toys, chairs and eBay btw, that’s another long tale for another day. Judging by the droppings and gnawed nature of the fluffy bears in the musty box, most of the stuff had been nibbled by mischievous mice or rats.

Anyway, to cut the grisly tail short, hey presto, we found the mouse, jumped on a vintage Ercol chair, the perpetrator had been literally caught in the act. We estimated via DNA / crime lab testing / guessing etc that this mummified criminal mouse has been trapped in his vintage plastic tortoise tomb about 25 years. Cruel. Priceless. Taking the Mickey Mouse. Vintage. I wonder what he’d fetch on eBay? Should I submit it for Frieze 2010?

Why Frieze is Still Playing David Beckham and Missed a Trick Shot

I just read over on Artinfo.com that sales by young emerging artists were pretty good at the Frieze Art Fair. Which is nice. Hmmm. Reading between the lines of this bacon saving, I'm reading something more along the lines of "Art world struggling to sell stale art but managed to sell a few tit-bits". IMHO [and unless I totally missed something?] the show was not ‘hot’ and properly lacked guts. Where was the X-Factor, the bleeding edge and the genetically modified new blood? With a broad brush I’m saying that irrespective of age or emerging status, the majority of the Frieze fair art was actually bad monkey art grade unimaginative tosh.

Bouncing out of a recession Frieze 2009 was an opportunity to blow people and the cobwebs away, and to try something new. Let’s look at the spin picture another way, with the same devastatingly broad brush, the art world is founded on the principal of the Emperors Clothes, the opinion of a few and sales hype regurgitated and force fed down the throats of the beautiful people by clipboard clutching hawks. Absolutely there was some well executed and cool classical stuff going on at Frieze but blow me it was hard to find in the herds. Frieze is about art for walls [and floors], not art on walls. And sure it's fine to play David to pull the crowds. But moving on, where was the weird, wired and wonderful? And why doesn’t it sell, that’s the problem. The art herd needs a new LED powered sheep dog to lead it, and a new tune to whistle. Frieze you missed a trick, you old [show / sheep] dog.

Read my further Frieze Art Fair rantings ---> Freak Show at the Frieze Art Fair.

Freak Show at the Frieze Art Fair

Giving the art world a pasting!

I’ve been around the art block a few times and consider myself something of an expert in the art of artistic-mess. I’ve been an artist properly and lived on the poverty line and eaten rice with salad cream. I even sold a few bits n bobs, once to the bird who invented the Telly Tubbies and once to the guy who was chairman of the arts council at the time. Damon Albarn’s mum even paid my studio a visit once.

I’ve worked in the art world online for a dot com boom company selling limited edition artist prints. I met some of the big names and even spent a day at the shark mans house. I helped make his Eyestorm exhibition studio installation and was called upon to re-construct it when the cleaner tidied it up, thinking Hirst's window display [see slide 18] was a big mess left over from the exhibition opening night. Comedy. The truth revealed. And that's where and when I got Hirst to sign my own mini Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living plastic shark art.

Way back in the day I ran around naked with a guy called Alex playing football with a basket ball and other exhibits for goal posts after a boozy private view at the Decima Gallery. And once I got sent home by porn peddler Gavin Griffiths for getting inebriated on opening night cocktails. Think I got a kiss out of Tracy Emin at the Islington Design Centre, but that could be the wine too. I even met Bez from the Happy Mondays and kissed his wife/bird/girlfriend [I was never that sure which one & slight non art tangent].

Once upon a time many moons ago I had a studio in Colchester, then one in Cambridge and then one in gun-toting Dalston. I’ve got my own collection of art that’s probably worth a few bob too, by some of the above and some great artists of my time. I got lucky and got them cheap, because I got what I liked when it was fresh and new. Even Banksy’s first ever commercial rude copper print that I picked up for a song and now it’s worth a small bomb. So in many respects I feel I’m qualified to speak my mind; it works so many different levels etc. My BA honours in Fine Art stands for Bad Attitude [honestly] in Farty Art today.

I paid a whooping sum for a pair of tickets to the Frieze Art Fair in Regents Park and went along today [yesterday now] for what I hoped would be an inspiring day out with the family. Thank f*** I got my tickets 2 for 1. After pumping £6 in to the parking meter too. The best value for money today by far was the £11 for one coffee, a cold drink and 2 sticky buns. Ouch. And WTF is going on art world!

What of the Frieze art then?

Notwithstanding a few classics, like a stunning Gary Hume bird painting, and a couple of hidden gems; namely the chess wall of the world and some amazing David Shrigley prints [a snip at the asking price of four thousand Euros a pop]. The rest of the floor show excited me as much as a trip to IKEA, and I didn’t even come home with an ice cube tray. The most engaging artwork for me was the bins. I was blown away by one rude old art world hag clutching her clipboard who snipped "You wont let her touch it will you" talking about my little girl that was running rings around a painted tree. Bitch. It's a bloody tree painted white.

Now I know Frieze is a commercial show but still please, lighten up, liven up and try and blow me away with some NOISY stuff. Not this same old same old static fireplace tish tosh. In the good words of a good friend [@diggz] that I bumped in to on the day "Where’s all the interactive stuff" or words to that effect. Hasn’t the world of art moved on since I last paid it a visit? Frankly I'd say nearly half of the tish-tosh at FAF falls in to the "I could definitely do better with a paint brush stuck up my ass" category. I’m genuinely saddened to hear the art world is recovering from the recession and people are buying this shit. Wake up you beautifully dressed shoppers, buy something you really love, don’t fall for the white-washed sales pitch.

Before you go be sure to read why I think Frieze is Still Playing David Beckham and Missing a Trick Shot.


A few hidden gems and some tish-tosh...

Magnetic cars to decelerate climate change

I read recently on Econsultancy about great ideas, and how they are born out of problem solving. The examples interestingly were Ford and Microsoft starting out with something but ending up with something else that is much bigger. We’ve got a problem right now, and that’s why I’m writing my post in support of Blog Action Day 2009. This years worthy BAD theme is Climate Change. A hot topic. See my previous post with a terrible video to find out what it's all about.

So in the spirit of problem solving, BAD ideas and stupid ideas I thought I’d invent something that contributes to solving the climate change problem, sticks to my broad niche subject matter of stupidity and is fun, childish and maybe just a little bit genius.

We all (middle classes and above) drive cars and drive them on the roads. Sometimes like maniacs, sometimes like frightened shrews and frightened mice and sometimes relatively sensibly. Typically getting from A to B as quickly as possible to and from the shops, school, up and down the motorway, out and about, you know the kind of thing. Quite a lot of you have sat-navs and mobile phones and they are even talking about tagging and taxing cars based on the miles you travel. Tax is a problem, people falling asleep and driving like mentalists is a problem, traffic jams are a big problem and terrible gas guzzlers. Sometimes it really would be cheaper and easier to fly, but that’s all changing too. You get taxed for flying and the fuel costs a packet, and comes all the way from god knows where. Flying is dead.

The future seems to be trains, but they are unreliable, expensive, overcrowded cattle-shed carriages full of noisy chavs, or miserable as f**k commuters. Trains have a coal pumping legacy too. Evil things. Another problem is they only go A to B, so you cant pull over to pick up stuff from the off-licence on the way home. Trains have one good thing going for them - one engine pulling lots of carriages. Talking about pulling power, electric and hybrid cars are in vogue, just ask the Future Laboratory or Hyundai or get one of those sporty Teslas. Those hybrid and electric cars are flawed though, we all know where electric comes from and the battery runs dry leaving you high and dry. Fuel is a problem. So until Doc Emmett from Back to the Future comes back 2 us with his blue-print for the Flux Capacitor Bio Waste version mk2 thingy we need to work on another problem, efficiency.

Today I’m sat on a slow train polishing off my post. The train is most definitely not flying, although I’m dressed a little like Marty McFly today and I'm sort of in the future because I posted my first draft yesterday. If you see what I mean. Flying cars, now there’s a great idea. But its just a dream right? Pig's might fly? Not if you believe this bull-sh*t about the US military flying around in armored flying cars that I found over at PistonHeads. I thought pigs flew, not soldiers.

So considering all of the above and the poor changing climate with a hole above. The solution is obviously a super mash up thing. Drum role please as I present to you Magnetic Car Trains or MCT’s as I’m sure they will come to be know when they hit the streets. Its really very simple, inspired by childishness (those magnetic wooden trains actually with magnets and wooden tracks. You know the ones I mean). How the heck does it werk? Like Kraftwerk, there a little bit of robotery (see spotify:track:5eqZWYQ5tbIehx00NeKXz7) and basically some big mega industrial magnets, ideally the type you get in scrap yards or James Bond movies with a big lever to make them come on and come off again, and drop the baddies in to a crusher or in to the sea.

So at the front of your car you have positive and at the back you have negative polarity. What you do is drive your MCT as if it were a normal car, like a maniac if you like, use your sat nav or robot powers to detect cars going to the same place, drive up the back guided by lasers or just extreme caution on entry level models, and Bing you hook to the car in front positive to negative. Then you have your basic car train. Through technological NASA wizardry the car in rear will cut power and simply be pulled along. And other cars that want to join the train of eco magnetic love can hook up to the end of the train if they want to go further, or hook up to the front and assume the engine role if they want to get off the MCT before. You catch my drift. The complete appliance of science and technology for climate change. As a special bonus some positive on positive (and visa versa) prangs would be positively repelled and eliminated too.

Now maybe you are thinking its not fair for the engine to pay for the power for tugging the train, but this can be resolved simply by mega tech that assigns a fair pull policy and directs cars to the front or back based on a credit system and you could indeed earn MCT points at the same time to redeem against wine glasses and tumblers. Best still there would be a strong case for a green tax exemption based on your increased MCT usage if the big brother tax man ever did decide to stick a black box in your motor. And what happens when the lead car battery is running low? Simply drop out and hook back on at the back of the car train. Hey-presto, lot's of problem solved.

Dear Mr James May, the Lego freak over at Top Gear would probably like this, Hamster would crash it whatever, and Clarkson would doubtless drop a piano or caravan on it. Feasible? Yes I think so, with a little bit of hokery pokery. Come on Top Gear please make one for your next series on Dave. Or if not what about Mr Spock himself Jason Bradbury could this be the big green weird Gadget Show gadget of 2010? Maybe magnetic cars really will decelerate climate change.

Extreme sheep herding and the sheep dipping point of social media

Welcome Earthlings. The eagle has landed and Close Encounters of the Third Kind are here for real, in your world. Yesterday, I was at The Future Laboratory’s New Normal trend briefing over in trendy new Kings Cross. Nice. Apparently now I’m a freelance journalist. Maybe I am. I’m certainly not working for free right now.

Anyway this New Normal business was good, thought provoking, packed with excellent visuals to keep you awake, free half time coffee, fat people and farting cow gags, and easy to swallow chatter boxing. Actually it’s not the case that cows fart methane, they belch it, and guess what there’s an app for that (well a science solution anyway). I got there an hour into the first session because of a baby dressing disaster and missed the first bit on Snap Shot Britain (Arse - I hope there’s a PDF for that on the LS:N trend site) and most of the bit about Generation Jones, but snuck conspicuously onto the front row just in time for the third bit called Brandtocracies (right up my street). The second session had interesting bits on Prohibition Culture and Homestead 3.0 (who comes up with these names?). And then I went home, had some dinner, put my jim-jams on and went to bed, via the pub quiz. Sadly none of the stuff I’d taken on board during the visit to Kings Cross came up. But unless you’re still hooked up to AOL dial-up or you’ve been hiding behind the sofa since last Christmas you may have noticed that the world isn’t the same place as it used to be and it’s changing, and is fortunately still spinning.

Now there were two completely brilliant visual things I just wanted to steal and pretend they are my own finds, which they are not and they are really quite dated but they are good. And well what’s new to me might just be new to you too so I wanted to share them here completely out of context. The first is the AUDI vs. BMW checkmate thing above (look up). And the second is the extreme sheep herding viral (click behind / or visit my YouTube channel). It was the sheep thing that got me thinking about the stuff I’m into. Art and design and social media and general cleverness and stupidity. So whilst a lot of the stuff the FL boys were waxing off about in the Brandtocracies bit yesterday, like the ‘we’ philosophy that I’m all too familiar with in a previous and current online life, was not so new to me. Maybe to some of the fat cows in the room all that shit was brand new, news even. And maybe just maybe one of them will drive home in their sporty electric car to their practical and eco-aware RFID live and eco-regulated home, slip in to some loose house pants, drink a responsible glass of local wine, munch on a South African banana and a tiny portion of sustainable cheese - or two, take a piss in the shower, slip in to their big hand crafted smoking bed and have a big fat eureka moment. Think it’s a good idea to dip their toes in the social media swimming pool and pay a cheeky swine like me to come in to their world and get down with the people they really need to engage with in a socializingly collaborative, creative and conversational way. Everyone else that’s smart out there seems to be doing the warm social thing, and there’s nothing like following the herd. Word up. Btw, do cigarette companies do word of mouth, or just social cancer?

Idea 4 Good: Blog Action Day 2009

Blow me. I’m doing something that might change the world, rather than blowing my own trumpet for a change. I’m actively supporting Blog Action Day 2009. This year’s good cause is climate change and it’s happening on the 15th October. Wo wo wo, the climate isn’t changing overnight but this might just make a difference and at the very least it’s a great idea 4 good. Not mine I’m sad to say. Watch this good space and I’ll try and do more good things in due course. This is just a baby step in the right direction, not necessarily a giant leap. I’m not a frog or a flea you know; I’m more of a sloth, a good but slow climber.

In the good words of BAD themselves: Blog Action Day is an annual event that unites the world's bloggers in posting about the same issue on the same day on their own blogs with the aim of sparking discussion around an issue of global importance. Blog Action Day 2009 will be the largest-ever social change event on the web. One day. One issue. Thousands of voices.

DISCLAIMER: I’m absolutely not responsible for the C02 you’ve just pumped off in to the blogosphere by reading this post. Maybe you better say sorry world and get off your carbon pumping backside and do something good too. Jeeeze I'm sounding more like MJ every day.