Mubarak - Listen to the People and Walk Like an Egyptian

If only...

No further political points to make today.

UPDATE 11th Feb: Bloody heckers he's walked!

Oxford Circus Shooting Chineese Whispers Nuke Stike on Nike Town

Chineese Clown Shooting on Oxford Circus Investigated

About an hour and a bit ago I read a tweet saying there was a shooter on the rampage in Oxford Circus. Ahh / Ohh dear I thought. Really. Checked Sky News on Twittter. Nothing. Thought nothing of it. Five minutes after that another similar panicky tweet from someone else. Said to the girlfriend "Apparently there's been a shooting on Oxford Street". "Oh" she said and tottered off to the shops. Checked the BBC. Nowt. Thought this has twitter prank written all over it. Five minutes after that saw the this fantastic timeline of tweets by some Shoreditch tweep [ok twat] calling himself @abscond. Turns out the shooting was a photo shoot - hilarious.

Since then I've enjoyed the ensuing Chineese Whispers [#chineesetwispers - I coined that btw but like a twat spelt it wrong with two e's according to spell check], the panic, the reveal, secondary rumors and comedy tweets for what quickly became the trending topic of the day - Oxford Circus.

Apparently police are already investigating the incident and source of the rumours - if this is actually true I'm looking forward to the next "#iamspartacus" debacle in the news and @candicecbailey must be sh*tting bricks about now. P.S. I have pre coined the hashtag "#iamcandicecbaileycus" in advance too. Spell check doesnt like that either. The moral... Check your sources and your spelling. Goddamit I spelt "Strike" wrong too - ohh well it rhymes with "Nike" so thats ok. Etc.

Thank you Twitter for making my day.

UPDATE: Now you actually can read about the shooting that never was on Sky News. P.P.S. Sky News I think you'll find I beat you to the #crytwolf point - but good point well made anyway.

SHOPPING IMPACT: The GF got back about five minutes after this post went live and she hasnt mentioned the shooting at all. "Ohh" I'm thinking. All that shopping must be very distracting.

BLOW ME MEDIA MONKEYS: It's on the Guardian Media Monkey now as well. Indeed this shooting incident is indeed a social media case study in the making [like i sort of predicted hours ago].

FOR REAL: In The Evening Standard too. Did police deploy terror counter measures to curb public panic and shoot themselves in the foot? Do I smell a "training exercise" rat? Or is this just a load of fantastic twitter twaddle?

Hugh's Fish Fight Nets Half a Million Supporters Overnight

Smoke me a kipper I'll be back for breakfast!

I've been known to post a few fishy tales up here, for example some jibber jabber about a Hirst shark [that I have now found and will sell to the highest bidder btw] or some nonsense about aussies staying afloat in a flood but today lets look at something truly fish-tastic and an excellent example of making the best of social media to amplify a great cause. Sometimes it's well worthwhile trawling-the-web to do some actual good - dude.

Hugh's Fish Fight aired on TV last week and calls for the end of "discarding" AKA wasting dead fish or chucking the tiddlers overboard. It's like as contoversial as water-boarding terrorists - but genuinely lethal to the extremely innocent fish. There is more to it than meets the fish-eye of course. The ultimate aim of the campaign [read all about it on www.fishfight.net] is to lobby the government and other grey suited bore-ocrats to change ludicrous legislation that forces fishermen to discard AKA "waste" fish [like Free Willy, Nemo and Flipper etc] that get pulled up with the catch but that they cannot legally land.

Kurt Cobain was quite right when he said something like "It's ok to fish, cos they don't have any feelings" and I like the fact that this campaign is not about hurting fishes feelings - it's about not wasting the fish and plaice-ing them on your plate.

Anyway, so I felt compelled to sign up after watching the show last week but quite predictably I suppose the .net site had snagged / crashed on the TV popularity rocks and was not available. I found Hugh's fishy Twitter stream and from there found Hugh's fishy Facebook page where I was able to sign up. At the time something like 150,000 odd people had signed up and I saw and update email from Hugh a few days ago to say how stoked he was that he'd reached 300k and that he'd love to shoot for the half-million. Well just 3 days later here we are - power to the people, micro-chips and his celebrity chumps Ramsay St, Oliver and the food-come-scientist Blumingfelloffthementalchart. Pass me some Turkey Twizzlers and break open the tartar sauce Hugh's done it - doubling his target 250k supporters about 5 months ahead of plan! Awesomeness.

On a socail media note "Good catch" chef Fearnley Whittingstall also for the fishy widget [cast your eyes over the tasty fish widget below] for goody two-shoes bloggers to share the f-word further. If you love eating fish hook yourself up with the widget now.

P.S. You are clearly slightly queer if you don't eat the skin / batter - it's the best bit.

Major flaw in aussie life preservation plan revealed

Shit mate these fuggers don't work!

Breaking news: Famous aussie scientists that have worked on important science projects such as Mad Max, Mad Max 2, Mad Max 3, Mad Max 4, Mad Max 5, Mad Max 6: Max is really angry mate and just ate Bouncer for breakfast, Braveheart, Home and Away, Neighbours, The Flying Doctors, Prisoner Cell Block H, and BMX Bandits have today revealed that the long-time-loved and cherished national life preservation garment - the all-too-well-joked-about and slightly comedic aussie image [similar to that of Sir Alf Ramsay the former manager of Manchester United [in England mate] and the home of Braveheart] - the "cork hat" does not do the job mate, nor does it provide "Freedom".

According to the Aussie experts, the apparel as worn [with pride and confidence] by upto 98% of the population as governed by HRH The Queen of England] until recent shady changes of government policy in the capital "Sydney-upon-Canberra" and the suburbs nearwith etc] is frankly unfit for purpose. Wearing of such garments [including the recently contrived "Jesus Boots" [that allow aussies to take the floods in their strides and with pride] has been herralded in the Ramsay Street Times and Erinsborough News as wholely unsafe.

Suggestions have been made by respected local citizen, and god-like back-from-the-dead star, Sir Harold of the Almighty Bishop that all said cork based hanging hat gear should be tested first by the "Gallah" son of Madge, Henry Ramsay. Testing should be conducted in the pool in the yard of #32 previously owned by ugly-duckling-cum-swan and suspected dauhter of Nell Mangel [old mate of the now retired Helen Robinson], who we all know and love as "Plain Jane the Superbrain" etc [in a swimsuit of course sheila].

Strewth. Mate. Anyway the moral of the story is that unless your cork hat is endorsed offically by Des and Daph's hat / coffee / flowershop shop its going to flop [float upsidedown mate] and whatever you do do not trust it to save your bacon and eggs when failed pop star Stefan Dennis AKA Angry Boy Paul Robinson comes bashing on your porch door and chucks you in the pool - let us not forget his dad [and now more famous than him] Jim took mushrooms in the bush once upon-a-time.

And [albeit incidentally] Toadfish says hi too by the way - I think he turned somehow into Jack Osbourne in the latest episode [#56789], "Ozzy Osbourne just said his son Toadfish turned in to a celebrity, please get me out of here, before Bez and Shaun Ryder from the Happy Mondays come round and kick off with Jim Robinson because he sold them some crap shrooms, and Bez [the UKs original dancing gallah] crashed my quad-bike and turned me in to a cabbage and made me cry". G'day mate.

Anyway the point is that Mike Young [now a Hollywood bit-part-player called "Guy Pearce" in real life who recently starred in movies such as Hurt Locker and some unforgettable others] and Clive Gibbons [you know the one with the ginger hair] both say "test the cork first mate. Some of those froggy corks are just not up to scratch - try some native abbo wine corks mate". We all know of course that the aussies are inherently racist.

Moving on, after this neighbourly debacle perhaps we can have that floating barbie in the pool - wherever mate - it floats and it's self-stocking with shrimps. Why move out of the suburbs like Charlene and Scott when you can barbie in the comfort of your own pool / flood.

Please do "Confide in Me" if you have any Kylie questions or concerns over the accuracy of this well-meaning post about these dangerous aussie cork hats. I should be so lucky.

Fosters campaign to save aussies and ramsay street residents from the flood

A quick idea to help save the aussies from the floods and recent ashes bashing. Sponsored unwittingly by Fosters.

Don't worry mate, Jim Robinson or Doc Kennedy will step in to save the day. Charlene and Scott are also on hand somewhere up Brizzy way to help flood stricken neighbours and relo's catch a flight to the safety of ayers rock - a service provided by the alice springs flying doctors service. First one to the top gets a refreshing 6-pack of watery Fosters beer. Grab your surfboards, free beers r up. P.S. Has anyone seen Harold Bishop?

See the photo as big as ayers rock on Twitpic. P.S. That's roughly the size of a Frisco's seal.

Find out about the Quantas sponsored plan B for Backpackers here sport.

Find out how aussie hat manufacturers step up to help flood victims. And how the crafty cork marketing guys dived in with a last minute packaging idea - biblical boots!