Cash in the Attic search for lost Hirst shark art and Vincent's fish pickle

A post exploring the lost material world of Damien Hirst's shark and Vincent’s alter ego.

Remember recently I told you about my Damien Hirst Shark that's lost in the attic. Well I still can't find it, but it's definitely up there, unless the international art tiddler thieves have paid me a visit. Anyway I'm thinking the best solution to finding and selling my shark is getting the wide-boys from the BBC's Cash in the Attic team to head up there with their flash lights, pin stripe suits and clipboards. I'll be in touch by the usual channels etc. Or I'll just flog it on eBay with the usual sob story. I have a hole in my wallet the size of a mortgage that I need to fill - and to feed some hungry mouths - that's why I'm hawking the shark and selling my prized Triumph GT6 etc.

This week I popped up to my mum and dads for a rare family visit, one of the benefits of almost living on benefits. My mum and dad are lovely people. Life hasn't been too kind to them. My dad has a wonky leg and my mum has MS. But that's never stopped them nor has it stopped them from being ace. They are super generous and have bailed me out of many a hole over the years. Thanks mom n pops. And mom makes the best spicy tomato chutney. I couldn't resist bringing a few more jars home with me to add to my personal pickle mountain.

Thinking I could do something good with the pickle, I endeavored to launch the worlds first ever Twitter pickle contest. Genius. Promoting the contest via my Twitter, Facebook, Twitpic and my blog like you do. A few days in, and with a respectable volume of eyeballs, a few generous re-tweeters, and a lot of chutney fun, I noticed that absolutely nobody had gone to the trouble of actually entering. Hmmm.

I can make several assumption based on the data available and some marketing woolyness --->

[A] That no one [except me] knows how good my mums pickle is and no one loves her.

[B] That my prize value was simply not tasty enough to get people out of bed. Echoing something digital Jedi Matt Morrison from Porter Novelli said at WOMUK’s espresso briefing - about needing king-size round the world trip size prizes to get a king-size reaction. My professional experience in online marketing supports this, unlike my personal micro pickle campaign.

[C] You need to start with a bigger base than my modest circle of lazy friends and followers to acheive a mega viral reach.

[D] Ohh and that you need to be reactive and know when to stop flogging a dead horse, cow, sheep, shark, or pickled tomato.

[E] That you need to combine all the above with a super compelling campaign - as nicely put by the guys at WeAreVI on their very pretty looking blog this week.

[F] Or finally finally that I'm just twittering on to myself, like an schizophrenic with an invisible friend [but the data just doesn't support that thankfully].


Anyway, I decided to change the rules of the game and to shut it down. And I've rewarded the most engaging and interesting twitti-pants with chutney prizes. The winners are frequent re-tweeter and chutney ferret @PipWilson and @vincentstinks a digital nerd with an artistic alter-ego, who in his altered state of artistic-ness, and not unlike the shark man of yesteryear, is selling his work through the Saatchi Gallery, nice work monsieur bixentro.

I'd like to point out to Vincent that owning a Hirst shark doesn't necessarily make you a materialistic whore. I was just a canny kid in the right place at the right time that landed a little big fish. I'm letting it go [to the highest bidder] for elastic rather than plastic reasons. If and when I sell it, I'll give at least a small percentage to a charity of my mum’s choosing.

Legal fluff: If anyone actually enters the chutney competition naturally I’ll honor the terms of the contest and prizes, from the aforementioned chutney mountain. The closing date is midnight 15th November.