Don't try this at home & PLEASE don't tell my mum

Confessions of a rocket fuelled bad dad.

It was my birthday on Halloween and the weekend after that it was fireworks night. I had some memorable times. Here are a few other stupid and spooky things that happened to me.

• I threw a rocket in the air that backfired and exploded up my back passage [stupid and noisy].


• I wore a pumpkin on my head [cool I think].


• I got stung by a wasp.


• I fell asleep [ok passed out] and woke up with a cartoon cock marker-penned on my forehead, red nail varnish, "LOVE" and "COCK" on my knuckles, lipstick [roughly applied] on my face and specs.


• Got snapped "hanging out" with my old mate Adam.


• I set off a firework in my hand and slightly burnt my hand.


• I had a firework war but I was out-gunned.


• I fell off a bar stool.


• I woke up fully clothed and in my shoes [twice].

The moral of this horror story is don't mess with your friends - they give as good as they get. Take it easy on the witches brew. Don't try this at home. And please don't tell my mum. Thanks to @rpwilson for the photo / makeover.