Tree things about Stella Artois trading E's for Christmas trees campaign

Saving trees and drinking beer.

Stella Artois today announced their augmented reality "Send a Card, Save a Tree" Christmas ecard campaign. Aiming to plant [or save or something like that] a million trees in the Argentinean Atlantic Rainforest [where the f*** is that], when a million ecards have been sent [wow - how many is that]. A jolly good Stella idea, which nobody can deny [US version] / and so say all of us [EN version].

Here are "tree" things I noticed.

1. It took five [gold ring pulls] to get past the [enter] DOB / location bit to even get started. The connect with Facebook link appeared to do nothing and the page kept locking up - like a mahogany chainsaw jam.

2. To get the whole 3D augmented reality xmas wizard ecard experience you need a webcam [I don't have one Santa!] and a "marker image" [WTF is that Santa?]. You are "present[ed]" with two ways to get the marker image 1. Print it out on your home printer [on paper, erm that's trees?], or 2. Download it to your mobile phone. Now, considering this is a tree-hugging campaign, I'd say the print at home option is a pretty ill-thought-out idea - no?

3. The whole thing is properly overly complicated to use, so not everyone will get to enjoy the full-bodied festive flavour. Definitely not after the 4 pint threshold. The "Claus" is lost in the confusion. There's "snow-way" my mum will get it. A simple "cut-down" version would save more trees?

I don't want to p**s on the Stella Christmas parade. It's nearly Christmas after all; a time for joy and a time for giving. Yes it's absolutely a good idea 4 good, and yes it's full of festive fun, but, maybe, M. Stella jumped the gun and didn't fully think it through? An extra day at the thinking before drinking table is worth its weight in gold/frankincense/mer[d*] [*French / Belgian spelling].

Oh, and like I said in our chat on Twitter, yes I'm very excited about Christmas and especially picking up my "sleigh-n" Christmas tree next weekend [oops!].

My campaign score card:

Goodwill: 5.0 ABV / 5.0 ABV
Execution: 8 pints [too many]
Timing: Good things come to those who wait.
Transparency: Clearly a few million email addresses to plunder is a result in anyone's book / Kindle etc.

Anyway, try it for yourself [responsibly] and tell Santa what you think in the comments box below ---> Go on send an eCard and save a tree with Stella Artois. Just do it OK.

P.S. Stella have not sent me a slab of fizzy festive fun to write this post, but I'd gladly retract some of it for an advent sized [24 x cans] slab of the wife-beater. Or a shiny new webcam.

P.P.S. Stella - have you got a cool "widget" that I can post on my blog for my blog fans to post ecards? [Whatever you do - do not scroll down].

P.P.P.S. Read stuff about other recent online campaigns that are clever - like the IKEA Facebook thing or the SonyEricsson Space Hopper thing.

Carnaby Street Christmas Monsters

Peace loving beasts of Christmas.

I was cutting through Carnaby Street on the way to the Apple Store yesterday to pick up a dangly thing for a friend and stumbled upon these crazy carnival creatures. So Pink Floyd pig. Amazing - if you're in London be sure to float over and check em yourself. I think it's up till Christmas.

P.S. Amazing customer service in the Apple Store on Regents street. I wish I had a Macbook Pro, PS3, iPhone, Gap voucher, or all of the above. If you're thinking about buying me a Christmas present or a blogger bribe [I'm available] you know what to get and where to go. Cash in a brown envelope still perfectly acceptable. P.P.S. Rich - where's my twenty quid.

See this 60's pop set on my Flickr.



Don't just bounce off. Read about some more mad inflatable goings on ---> pop over to my SonyEricsson Space Hopper post.

Space Hopping madness by SonyEricsson #pumpt

Pumping horny balls full of air and interacting with monkeys live on the internet.

The internet came alive again today, with a nifty interactive Space Hopper campaign from SonyEricsson.

Before I go on... Thanks to the nice girl [or boy in a wig] that responded to my tweet "Hey @chiefhopper Please give a Space Hopper a hug. Need a better screen shot for my blog ---> http://bit.ly/6nLoyl #pumpt ;-p". So funny, she gave me a big green one too. I think the chief hopper cracked his monkey whip.

I love it, about as much as the IKEA vs. Matrix thing yesterday, but in a different way. It's simple, genius, interactive, and highly contagious. It's mixing live streaming performance, by real people in a room full of Space Hoppers, with creative direction from the Twitterverse. This is a great example of a mega-budget mobile brand production vs. the on-the-cheap but ingenious IKEA production ---> I think there's an IKEA brand pun in there somewhere.

So the Twitterverse is bouncing ideas to the ring-master AKA @chiefhopper, locked away in a warehouse, somewhere in the real world, and a big screen is relaying the crowd-sourced crazy ideas to a team of white overall-clad SonyEricsson elves [it's nearly Christmas - give me a break - OK let's call them hopper-monkeys]. The aforementioned hopper-monkeys are performing tricks on demand e.g. Space Hopper pyramid building, Space Hopper races, posing for photos, and other cruel tricks [etc] - live on the streaming internet. Monkey business indeed.

Meanwhile, the Twitterverse is pumping life and more monkey-fun [OK air] in to shed-loads of deflated Space Hoppers. More air is pumped with every #pumpt hashtag tweeted. Hey Presto, the more #pumpt tweets you tweet, the more Space Hoppers the hopper-monkeys get to play with.

The campaign is cruel to animals, but I’m struggling to find meaning in the monkey madness. Oh, aside from some playful monkey cheerfulness on a cold, miserable, winter day. Which is nice - much better than going to the zoo. Thanks for the bouncy monkey nuts.

Unfortunately the whole bouncing monkey thing is nowhere near as funny as learning "how to say fu*k you in a pie chart" - which is puerile comedy genius from some crazy ape in OZ, that I also stumbled upon today.

Whatever will tomorrow bring? Dancing giraffes? Paint-balling crocodiles? Swearing snakes?

On Twitter? Hit retweet below [and add #pumpt to your tweet] and we can both have a #pumpt together. Offer expires in about ten days time.

Like this? Have some more inflatable fun <--- click there.

IKEA Facebook campaign vs. The LEGO Matrix

Bricks vs. Clicks - The best sh*t I've seen on Twitter today.

I've just awarded some smart dude called Len Kendall my first ever tweet of the day award for something totally stupid - for Tweeting a LEGO re-creation of the Matrix bullet dodging roof top scene. Luke's award was in the fun bag genius category. With hindsight, the award should really have gone to the creators. Oops, just a small glitch - sorry guys.

Before all that Hollywood cr*p today there was some Swedish genius [wish I could say Norwegian Wood] - the IKEA Facebook campaign that spread like a nasty virus all over the net. A much more down to earth and a low budget production, but cool in some Matrix like special respects.

If you're looking for a brilliantly simple flat-packed example of how to blast out a cost effective, meaningful and impactful social media campaign, this is the one that sticks out ---> like a slow bullet to the head.

No point me parroting the who, where, why, what here is there. You can read all that twaddle on econsultancy, the digitalbuzz, or CNET.

Not only did this IKEA thing get IKEA customers to spread the love sentinels, it went balistic over the blogosphere, on Twitter, and on the marketing for dummies web too.

The Oracle suggests taking the blue and yellow pill today.

165 unsorted links to really interesting stuff to bait blog fans

Take a journey in to my mind.

Hey Rat Fans. I was chatting with some interesting folks at this word of mouth do this week. I mentioned my loathing for all those TOP TEN or BEST FIFTY lists you get on Twitter all the time and hey presto came up with a top idea of my own. I’ve been stashing away a little treasure trove of my favorite interesting pages on the tweb for a little while so I thought I’d share them with you - all 165 of the mouther fraggers. I'm not greedy. I keep getting the blue screen of death on my lappy so this is sort of a link preservation exercise with a twist as well.

Consider my ultimate-list a dip into the stuff I’ve been reading, meaning to read, loved or just liked the look of. Mostly its boring old social media and digital marketing stuff, some arty farty stuff, dirty design, weird and wonderful sh*t, a bit of business baloney, some stuff about start ups, PR and SEO, a bit about blogging, and some stuff I’ve contributed to in one way or another - like this cheeky baby on Fuel Your Blogging tonight.

So basically all I did was export my IE faves in to Excel, chop out some of the weird code and paste it below. It's in raw unadulterated, un-edited alphabetical order. It’s all there one hundred percent - no cheating, no lies.

I did notice that some of my real favorite stuff isn’t actually in my super-link-list, which is a shame because I'd love to big up the cool sh*t and make me look cool [see photo above]. Take a peek below and tell me what you think in the comment box, share it, and re-tweet it like mad. I Hope this #neb165 sh*t is useful. Whatever etc.

Check my Twitter lists for the coolade, arty, and geeky stuff I follow everyday.

Let the ultimate list begin...


'Avin' A Giraffe

- Constructive Grumpiness

10 Cool Non-Design Blogs You Should Check for Daily Inspiration Inspired Magazine

10 Creative Contests Powered by Social Media

10 Essential Social Media Blogs You Should Definitely Bookmark Inspired Magazine

10 Golden Rules of Social Media

10 Ways a Start-Up Can Use Social Media to Market Itself

10 Ways to Archive Your Tweets

11 Outstanding & Fresh Blog Designs You Should Check Right Now Inspired Magazine

20 + mind-blowing social media statistics Blog Econsultancy

20LTD

5 SEO Posts You Need to Read

50 Awesome Robots Abduzeedo Graphic Design Inspiration and Photoshop Tutorials

50 Gorgeous Flash Websites You Definitely Should See Graphic and Web Design Blog -Resources And Tutorials

50+ Most Amazing and Funny Twitter Comics cheth Studios

77 Tips For Starting An Online Business

A smart social strategy to get you up and running … « Start Up Donut blog

a thousand cuts adam cohen's blog

addictomatic Inhale the Web

AddThis - My Analytics

Adverblog - interactive marketing and other great advertising ideas

Advertising, creative, design, digital, media, new media and web jobs.

Alexander John Forsyth - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Alltop - Top Social Media News

Alltop, all the top stories

Alternative Marketing Model

Are we in a Social Media bubble

Babyccino

ben ferrier (benferrier) on Twitter

Ben Ferrier - LinkedIn

benferrier

Best of Twitter 20+ Funniest #oneletteroffmovies

Brand Autopsy

Chris Anderson dismisses newspapers in interview - Brand Republic News - Brand Republic

Church of the Customer Blog

Communications Catalyst — David Mullen on PR, Integrated Communications and Social Media

Conversation Agent Being Connected

crackunit.com iain tait's blog about things

create, finance and distribute in a cross-media world « POWER TO THE PIXEL

Creative Marketing BMW vs. Audi

Current News News Video Clips & Current News Articles -- Current

dare ~ ideas that work

Design Milk

Digit, Simple Human Interaction -

directory 100 technology experts on Twitter Between the Lines ZDNet.com

Driving Traffic To Your Blog 6 Tips To Capture The Linkerati

DuPont's Social Media Campaign Goes Up in Flames... - Advertising Age - Video

Eat Me Daily Food Is Culture

Econsultancy Community of Digital Marketing and Ecommerce Professionals

Embedding Social Media Channels in Modern Web Design Inspired Magazine

Environmental Graffiti Offbeat Environmental News, Not Hip-Hop!

Ben Ferrier | Facebook

Feeding the Puppy

Five Reasons Customers Pay for Content - ClickZ

foursquare

Fresh Resources - new approach recruitment solution

FTC Releases Guidelines for Endorsements (and Bloggers)

Get Satisfaction - People-Powered Customer Service

Getting Your Blog Noticed

Google Wave Invite Pulled From eBay After Bids Skyrocket

grain edit · 50+ Designers on Twitter Our favorites to follow.

Guerilla Art Press - Graffiti Urban Street Prints!

Guide to a Successful Blog Post Fuel Your Blogging

Home - We Are VI - An Innovation-Led Creative Agency

How To Close the Back Door of Your Blog Fuel Your Blogging

HOW TO Develop into a Leader on Twitter « Bit Rebels

How to do a SWOT analysis Start Up Donut

HOW TO Do Good on Facebook

How To Grow Your Fanbase Fuel Your Apps

How to optimise your website from the ground up Blog Econsultancy

How to Social Media Monitoring Impact Marketing Zone

www.lindseypollak.com-archives-how-to-have-a-fantastic-linkedin-profile

www.samepoint.com-blog-p=100

www.wunderman.co.uk

www2.dupont.com-Stories-en_US-index.html

J Y Classics Ltd

Jarlett De Grouchy

Journalists, Online PR & Link Building

Kemp Folds

Love your customer service staff, love your customers Blog Econsultancy

Market research for start ups Start Up Donut

Mashable’s Weekly Guide to Web Development & Social Media Jobs

Matt Morrison explains why social media is inherently marketing resistant « WOM UK

Mattel launches e-commerce portal for various brands - DMNews

Memo to startups stick to solving problems Blog Econsultancy

Microbloggers, Meet the Microvideo - Bits Blog - NYTimes.com

Moving Brands – a branding and digital agency based in London

Neoco digital marketing

Netflix Awards $1 Million Prize and Starts a New Contest - Bits Blog - NYTimes.com

Networking meetings they don’t work, do they Writing, Copyediting, Proofreading and PR

New Media, Marketing, Advertising & Interactive News & Jobs NMA

Nicely Done CSS

Ogilvy PR 360 Digital Influence Blog

Online selling tips (part one) Start Up Donut

Only Dead Fish

Overview of Rev. Alexander John Forsyth

Particle

PistonHeads Headlines

Platform

Point&Anchor

Recruitment - Source Personnel

reirref neb

renedelabre.com

Richard Serra - October 27 - December 23, 2009 - Gagosian Gallery

Rory Sutherland Life lessons from an ad man Video on TED.com

Samepoint Social Conversation Search Social Mentions

Santa Monica BMW's Checkmate - (37signals)

sccope Price Compare. Anytime. Anywhere.

Seedcamp

Seth's Blog Notice me

Seth's Blog Things to ask before you redo your website

Seth's Blog

Should You Write Short or Long Blog Posts Fuel Your Blogging

Showcase of Fresh and Well-Designed Online Shops Design Showcase Smashing Magazine

Social Recruiting

Specialists in creative marketing Recuitment and fashion designing jobs, Creative PR jobs, - Profiles Creative

Spill It How Do You Write Fuel Your Blogging

Stand By Me Community Collaboration « Bit Rebels

Starting a new business - free advice, tools and resources Start Up Donut

Stonyfield Yogurt - Greener Cow Project- page one

Stop.Look.Listen.

Super Obama World

super superficial

SynapticWeb - FrontPage

Targeting a niche market Start Up Donut

technorati Front Page

TED Interview Tribes Author Says People, Not Ads, Build Social Networks Epicenter from Wired.com

The 37 things I want to see on a product page Blog Econsultancy

The 7 Deadly Sins of Blogging Copyblogger

The best in advertising, design, and digital creativity AdCritic Creativity Online

the business of branded entertainment Brand-e.Biz

The Future of Social Media Monitoring

The History and Evolution of Social Media Webdesigner Depot

The Internet Strategist

The New Adventures of Stephen Fry

The Tony Soprano guide to social media Blog Econsultancy

The WOMMA Word

This Five-Letter Word Is Key to Marketing Success B-R-A-N-D Integrated Branding Fast Company

To Blog or Not to Blog Fuel Your Blogging

today in art

tssc - Welcome to the Triumph Sports Six Club.

Turning a crashing computer into a work of art

TWEET IDEAS 13 Things to Do on Twitter Besides Tweet

Twibbon.com - Start Something!

Twitter 101 for Business — A Special Guide

Twitter Followers Statistics by TwitterCounter

Twitter Tips Advice from Evangelist Guy Kawasaki - ClickZ

Twitterific SEO Checklist at Experience Matters

Use your mobile to call up a bargain - Telegraph

Vicious Vitamins

Victors & Spoils - The world's first creative (ad) agency built on crowdsourcing principles.

Vimeo, Video Sharing For You

we are social - social media agency - online PR agency - online word of mouth marketing agency - conversation agency

We Are VI, An Innovation-Led Creative Agency

What is Damien Hirst really up to Jonathan Jones Art and design guardian.co.uk

What's the next Twitter

Where is Koogaloo

Whoa - Ford SHELBY vs CAMARO vs JEEP vs VAZ 2107 vs HELICOPTER (via @pyesawichjr) - Michael Lebowitz

Wired's guide to the UK Twitterati

WOM UK

womma The Leading Voice for Ethical and Effective Word of Mouth and Social Media Marketing

Wonderwall

wunderman Impactful Conversations

www.mydigitaljob.co.uk - Jobs in Digital Media

Community scratching away the art market veneer

The new art crowd eating away foundations of the blood thirsty art market.

After a trip to Frieze a few weeks ago I found an ally, sharing my views on the current state of the art. I must have been one of the first few peeps to stumble upon the recently launched b_uncut art blog.

Last night I just went along to the launch their new online art gallery. Have I just witnessed a revolution or eclipse in art? It's more of an art solar system [with the artist in the middle] and a social evolution. Taking the art bull by the horns it appears [if you believe the hype and wine] that Philip Letts and his blur group have turned the art world on its mob-like horses head. Activating the user generated power of social media and brining the concept of Fairtrade to the aid of artists.

Utilising Wordpress, Ning, and Cafepress b-uncut are cleverly powering up a blog, online gallery [for the crème de la crème of the crop], online open studio community spaces and a gallery shop, with all the usual social trimmings of Twitter and Facebook. Giving art lovers and buyers a chance to find emerging artists work from around the planet and to dig around in their studio and explore the dark matter of their minds.

I’m reminded of my own struggling artist residency days, hammering away in a cold and damp studio, into the night. Feeling it was just me and my art and a whole art world against me. That’s a big mountain to climb. The internet was a million miles away for me then. I would have loved to finish for the night, upload my work in progress and share it with a few like minded critics to see what they think. It’s pointless flogging a dead horse, but it’s great to know your backing a potential winner.

b-uncut is about giving emerging artists a chance to develop, thrive, talk to their peers and earn a modest living. To get established before they die or chop off an ear, to help them to buy Pot Noodles, clothes from charity shops, razor blades, and stamps to mail letters to Theo in Paris etc. With 80% of each art sale going to artists they get a pretty good art deal; the traditional market I understand is something like 50 percent or less. This will turn a few clipboard heads I’d imagine. Twist some of them off I hope.

Sure anyone of the one thousand strong studio community of self-proclaimed artists could drop in to Etsy, Ebay, Zazzle, Cafepress, or even my good old friend PhotoBox and hop on the quick selling ship and sell a few mugs. But that that leaves them alone in the world. Central to the b_ucut philosophy is a support network of like-minded artists talking to each other, creating niche genre groups and collaboratively floating and voting the best to the top. Only the best as voted by the community [and with a little curating by the b_uncut team] make it on to the interactive online gallery walls. I like that. I also like the non-exclusive nature of the b_uncut beast, allowing the best crème eggs [artists] to achieve exhibition nirvana and to get pickled up by the big wig galleries if their work warrants the prize. b_uncut are not standing in the way of success they are nurturing it.

Credit for terrifying image used in this post: 'Baby' by Jason Ellis.

Blogger notice: Under the recently updated terms of the Geneva Convention of all things blogging I must declare my post to be influenced by some small quantities of red wine bribery as supplied by the glass by b_uncut. Not the cocktails as promised mind. I’ve had a night to sleep on it now and feel fine. Here’s a shout to all potential blog bribers and the internet police. Wine doesn’t count. An iPhone or a few hundred quid in a brown envelope would be nice though.

Dirtburg take down the Monarch

London hip hoppy superstars get it together again.

Morning campers. I've just dropped the kid off at the childminder and eaten a Pot Noodle for breakfast [the curry one] to clear my head. Out of the blue last week I get a Facebook event alert - Dirtburg are back for one night only at the Monarch in Camden. I'm there. I used to catch these guys all over north London back in the early naughties. It's all a bit of a haze but I remember seeing the Dirt rock at the Spitz, some bar in Dalston and over at the filthy 333. My old mate Arjun and his buddy JC introduced me to the Dirt. You had to be there. Was great to catch up with Arjun, Nadine, Shazzer, Ian, the quiet one, Matt and the Pip lookalike last night. Just like old times. Dirtburg rocked.

Below are a few YouTube video memories. If you like this then download Dirtburg's never released EP on MySpace. Go get it I say.

Why the head f@@@? Turns out the drummer in the band [his name is Nick] is now doing a day job at Wunderman. I like Wunderman. I'm following @WundermanUK on Twitter. It turns out the gig was bank-rolled by them. Weirder still. Someone called Shannon from Wunderman is presenting "What’s going on? Social Media" at the MeetUp I'm off to on the 14th December. What's going on indeed. Small world int-it-er-web.

Don't try this at home & PLEASE don't tell my mum

Confessions of a rocket fuelled bad dad.

It was my birthday on Halloween and the weekend after that it was fireworks night. I had some memorable times. Here are a few other stupid and spooky things that happened to me.

• I threw a rocket in the air that backfired and exploded up my back passage [stupid and noisy].


• I wore a pumpkin on my head [cool I think].


• I got stung by a wasp.


• I fell asleep [ok passed out] and woke up with a cartoon cock marker-penned on my forehead, red nail varnish, "LOVE" and "COCK" on my knuckles, lipstick [roughly applied] on my face and specs.


• Got snapped "hanging out" with my old mate Adam.


• I set off a firework in my hand and slightly burnt my hand.


• I had a firework war but I was out-gunned.


• I fell off a bar stool.


• I woke up fully clothed and in my shoes [twice].

The moral of this horror story is don't mess with your friends - they give as good as they get. Take it easy on the witches brew. Don't try this at home. And please don't tell my mum. Thanks to @rpwilson for the photo / makeover.

Cash in the Attic search for lost Hirst shark art and Vincent's fish pickle

A post exploring the lost material world of Damien Hirst's shark and Vincent’s alter ego.

Remember recently I told you about my Damien Hirst Shark that's lost in the attic. Well I still can't find it, but it's definitely up there, unless the international art tiddler thieves have paid me a visit. Anyway I'm thinking the best solution to finding and selling my shark is getting the wide-boys from the BBC's Cash in the Attic team to head up there with their flash lights, pin stripe suits and clipboards. I'll be in touch by the usual channels etc. Or I'll just flog it on eBay with the usual sob story. I have a hole in my wallet the size of a mortgage that I need to fill - and to feed some hungry mouths - that's why I'm hawking the shark and selling my prized Triumph GT6 etc.

This week I popped up to my mum and dads for a rare family visit, one of the benefits of almost living on benefits. My mum and dad are lovely people. Life hasn't been too kind to them. My dad has a wonky leg and my mum has MS. But that's never stopped them nor has it stopped them from being ace. They are super generous and have bailed me out of many a hole over the years. Thanks mom n pops. And mom makes the best spicy tomato chutney. I couldn't resist bringing a few more jars home with me to add to my personal pickle mountain.

Thinking I could do something good with the pickle, I endeavored to launch the worlds first ever Twitter pickle contest. Genius. Promoting the contest via my Twitter, Facebook, Twitpic and my blog like you do. A few days in, and with a respectable volume of eyeballs, a few generous re-tweeters, and a lot of chutney fun, I noticed that absolutely nobody had gone to the trouble of actually entering. Hmmm.

I can make several assumption based on the data available and some marketing woolyness --->

[A] That no one [except me] knows how good my mums pickle is and no one loves her.

[B] That my prize value was simply not tasty enough to get people out of bed. Echoing something digital Jedi Matt Morrison from Porter Novelli said at WOMUK’s espresso briefing - about needing king-size round the world trip size prizes to get a king-size reaction. My professional experience in online marketing supports this, unlike my personal micro pickle campaign.

[C] You need to start with a bigger base than my modest circle of lazy friends and followers to acheive a mega viral reach.

[D] Ohh and that you need to be reactive and know when to stop flogging a dead horse, cow, sheep, shark, or pickled tomato.

[E] That you need to combine all the above with a super compelling campaign - as nicely put by the guys at WeAreVI on their very pretty looking blog this week.

[F] Or finally finally that I'm just twittering on to myself, like an schizophrenic with an invisible friend [but the data just doesn't support that thankfully].


Anyway, I decided to change the rules of the game and to shut it down. And I've rewarded the most engaging and interesting twitti-pants with chutney prizes. The winners are frequent re-tweeter and chutney ferret @PipWilson and @vincentstinks a digital nerd with an artistic alter-ego, who in his altered state of artistic-ness, and not unlike the shark man of yesteryear, is selling his work through the Saatchi Gallery, nice work monsieur bixentro.

I'd like to point out to Vincent that owning a Hirst shark doesn't necessarily make you a materialistic whore. I was just a canny kid in the right place at the right time that landed a little big fish. I'm letting it go [to the highest bidder] for elastic rather than plastic reasons. If and when I sell it, I'll give at least a small percentage to a charity of my mum’s choosing.

Legal fluff: If anyone actually enters the chutney competition naturally I’ll honor the terms of the contest and prizes, from the aforementioned chutney mountain. The closing date is midnight 15th November.

Win a jar of my mums spicy tomato pickle

I've just been rummaging around in the attic for my Damien Hirst plastic shark so I can flog it on eBay. Could not find it. I did find a box of my adult toys so I thought I'd have some fun rather than looking for a job / flogging stuff.

So no kidding then. A jam jar full of my mums spicy pickle up for grabs. It could be yours. It's fantastic with cheese. All you have to do is send a tweet to me at @benferrier cramming in as many toys as you can see above in to your tweet. More info available here on Twitpic.

Please RT btw. As a special bonus I'll put everyone that re-tweets in to a cowboy hat and randomly pick a runner up. The runner up wins a slightly smaller jar of the same spicy heaven.

You'll need to be clever with your 140 characters and with the toys you list. Competition closes midnight 15th November. I'll post both winners a jar of the spicy stuff anywhere in the World. Judges [that's me] decision is final on all counts. Winner will be notified and asked for mailing details by Twitter DM and announced here and on my Twitter. Naturally all your details will remain confidential and I won't flog them on to anyone. Etc.

If you are not on Twitter you are slightly behind the times, but no prejudice here. Feel free to leave your entry in the comment box below in no more than 140 characters including @benferrier and spaces e.g. "@benferrier battleship, green thing, wood thing, plastic thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah".

P.S. If you want to buy a 1973 Triumph GT6 in stunning sapphire blue check this out... My car is sadly for sale.