Putting glorious spam in the spotlight

Is Eric Cantona the king of spam?

It’s been a wee wee time since my last post. I’ve been up to stuff. Stuff that means I'm checking my mail like a seagull relentlessly chasing a trawler looking for a tasty tit-bit, and I realized I that I seem to be getting inundated with the old spam.

I’ve come across a whole lotta spam spam glorious spam and it just keeps coming all day and all night long. Without usually giving spam the time of day I tend to just hit the delete button and blast it from the spam folder straight in to eternal spam hell. Hurray, no spam here! I don’t need that Viagra stuff, dating tips, handy advice for the bedroom stuff, another worthless degree, and I really don’t want a cheap Rolex at any price. Well that’s what I thought until I noticed that some of that spam stuff is pure gold. I thought, long and hard, and I started to see the wood for the trees, and realized that I should be putting some of the inglorious spammer bastards sh*t in the spotlight. So I have been collecting (preserving / dry curing etc) some choice cuts of fine spam.

Sure we can live without Mr Spam’s pestilence but lest we forget his/her relentless and occasionally truly creative efforts. Sure enough most of his/her work is worthless junk but you just have to confess that some of that stuff is award winning puerile genius, and some of it is really quite weird, a bit like the idea of cramming a dead pig in to a tin can, and certainly as mad as Eric Cantona.

Anyway below are a few recent unforgettable (subject) lines - the all new hall of fame for spam if you will. I’ll keep this up to date for as long time as I can keep it up or until the spam river runs dry. Thinking about it, Mr and Mrs Spam of Spamalottaville must be having a totally spamtastic time, generally rolling about laughing, writing loads of spam and creating occasional priceless porkers. You’re not exactly up for the Booker Prize but I’m a fan. Write again soon Eric.

Preserved spam: the spam hall of fame

21.08.09 ---> Gain the full control over your drilling machine

22.08.09 ---> In a Sieve we'll go to sea

22.08.09 ---> Get the longest banana

23.08.09 ---> Support your custard launcher

24.08.09 ---> Be a love rhino

24.08.09 ---> Oxford brain-test

25.08.09 ---> He found a crooked sixpence against a crooked stile

26.08.09 ---> Put your cork in every girl that your dream of!

27.08.09 ---> From now you don't need a crane to raise your instrument up

28.08.09 ---> Viagra Soft Tabs

01.09.09 ---> Maniac cut Hefner's balls

02.09.09 ---> Join online massacre

03.09.09 ---> Want 3D-slaves?

04.09.09 ---> And bells, and buttons, and loops, and lace

And I thought the spam river had really run dry... Until --->

02.10.09 ---> Mate like Clinton!

Idea # three: Tickedy ticky tick tock look at the clock

Idea # 3: Big Ben click cLock apparently it was 12:34 and 56 seconds on the 07/08/09 today, which is nice. I missed it. It's not exactly as if everyone in the world experienced it at the same time, with GMTV and all that crap anyway, and unless you were sat next to the atomic clock (where is it and how do you get one btw?) was it real time? And what about America? So it got me thinking about other good times. Here's one of mine 66666 genuine miles in my '73 GT6 at 45rpm (OK mph) and with 69 on the re-settable clock. Tickedy boo. Beat that? Another good number (POSSIBLY THE BEST IN THE WORLD) is 55378008 - calculate that and stand on your head - in the corner. I suppose the idea here is just that there's no time like a good time but you are welcome to send me your own clock, speedometer, dial or display snaps and I'll happily tell your timely tale here - any time.