I read recently on Econsultancy about great ideas, and how they are
born out of problem solving. The examples interestingly were Ford and Microsoft starting out with something but ending up with something else that is much bigger. We’ve got a problem right now, and that’s why I’m writing my post in support of Blog Action Day 2009. This years worthy BAD theme is Climate Change. A hot topic. See my previous post with a
terrible video to find out what it's all about.
So in the spirit of problem solving, BAD ideas and stupid ideas I thought I’d invent something that contributes to solving the climate change problem, sticks to my broad niche subject matter of stupidity and is fun, childish and maybe just a little bit genius.
We all (middle classes and above) drive cars and drive them on the roads. Sometimes like maniacs, sometimes like frightened shrews and
frightened mice and sometimes relatively sensibly. Typically getting from A to B as quickly as possible to and from the shops, school, up and down the motorway, out and about, you know the kind of thing. Quite a lot of you have sat-navs and mobile phones and they are even talking about tagging and taxing cars based on the miles you travel. Tax is a problem, people falling asleep and driving like mentalists is a problem, traffic jams are a big problem and terrible gas guzzlers. Sometimes it really would be cheaper and easier to fly, but that’s all changing too. You get taxed for flying and the fuel costs a packet, and comes all the way from god knows where. Flying is dead.
The future seems to be trains, but they are unreliable, expensive, overcrowded cattle-shed carriages full of noisy chavs, or miserable as f**k commuters. Trains have a coal pumping legacy too. Evil things. Another problem is they only go A to B, so you cant pull over to pick up stuff from the off-licence on the way home. Trains have one good thing going for them - one engine pulling lots of carriages. Talking about pulling power, electric and hybrid cars are in vogue, just ask the Future Laboratory or Hyundai or get one of those
sporty Teslas. Those hybrid and electric cars are flawed though, we all know where electric comes from and the battery runs dry leaving you high and dry. Fuel is a problem. So until Doc Emmett from Back to the Future comes back 2 us with his blue-print for the Flux Capacitor Bio Waste version mk2 thingy we need to work on another problem, efficiency.
Today I’m sat on a slow train polishing off my post. The train is most definitely not flying, although I’m dressed a little like Marty McFly today and I'm sort of in the future because I posted my first draft yesterday. If you see what I mean. Flying cars, now there’s a great idea. But its just a dream right? Pig's might fly? Not if you believe this bull-sh*t about the
US military flying around in armored flying cars that I found over at PistonHeads. I thought pigs flew, not soldiers.
So considering all of the above and the poor changing climate with a hole above. The solution is obviously a super mash up thing. Drum role please as I present to you Magnetic Car Trains or MCT’s as I’m sure they will come to be know when they hit the streets. Its really very simple, inspired by childishness (those magnetic wooden trains actually with magnets and wooden tracks. You know the ones I mean). How the heck does it werk? Like Kraftwerk, there a little bit of robotery (see spotify:track:5eqZWYQ5tbIehx00NeKXz7) and basically some big mega industrial magnets, ideally the type you get in scrap yards or James Bond movies with a big lever to make them come on and come off again, and drop the baddies in to a crusher or in to the sea.
So at the front of your car you have positive and at the back you have negative polarity. What you do is drive your MCT as if it were a normal car, like a maniac if you like, use your sat nav or robot powers to detect cars going to the same place, drive up the back guided by lasers or just extreme caution on entry level models, and Bing you hook to the car in front positive to negative. Then you have your basic car train. Through technological NASA wizardry the car in rear will cut power and simply be pulled along. And other cars that want to join the train of eco magnetic love can hook up to the end of the train if they want to go further, or hook up to the front and assume the engine role if they want to get off the MCT before. You catch my drift. The complete appliance of science and technology for climate change. As a special bonus some positive on positive (and visa versa) prangs would be positively repelled and eliminated too.
Now maybe you are thinking its not fair for the engine to pay for the power for tugging the train, but this can be resolved simply by mega tech that assigns a fair pull policy and directs cars to the front or back based on a credit system and you could indeed earn MCT points at the same time to redeem against wine glasses and tumblers. Best still there would be a strong case for a green tax exemption based on your increased MCT usage if the big brother tax man ever did decide to stick a black box in your motor. And what happens when the lead car battery is running low? Simply drop out and hook back on at the back of the car train. Hey-presto, lot's of problem solved.
Dear Mr James May, the
Lego freak over at Top Gear would probably like this,
Hamster would crash it whatever, and Clarkson would doubtless drop a piano or caravan on it. Feasible? Yes I think so, with a little bit of hokery pokery. Come on Top Gear please make one for your next series on Dave. Or if not what about
Mr Spock himself Jason Bradbury could this be the big green weird Gadget Show gadget of 2010? Maybe magnetic cars really will decelerate climate change.
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