Hugh's Fish Fight Nets Half a Million Supporters Overnight

Smoke me a kipper I'll be back for breakfast!

I've been known to post a few fishy tales up here, for example some jibber jabber about a Hirst shark [that I have now found and will sell to the highest bidder btw] or some nonsense about aussies staying afloat in a flood but today lets look at something truly fish-tastic and an excellent example of making the best of social media to amplify a great cause. Sometimes it's well worthwhile trawling-the-web to do some actual good - dude.

Hugh's Fish Fight aired on TV last week and calls for the end of "discarding" AKA wasting dead fish or chucking the tiddlers overboard. It's like as contoversial as water-boarding terrorists - but genuinely lethal to the extremely innocent fish. There is more to it than meets the fish-eye of course. The ultimate aim of the campaign [read all about it on www.fishfight.net] is to lobby the government and other grey suited bore-ocrats to change ludicrous legislation that forces fishermen to discard AKA "waste" fish [like Free Willy, Nemo and Flipper etc] that get pulled up with the catch but that they cannot legally land.

Kurt Cobain was quite right when he said something like "It's ok to fish, cos they don't have any feelings" and I like the fact that this campaign is not about hurting fishes feelings - it's about not wasting the fish and plaice-ing them on your plate.

Anyway, so I felt compelled to sign up after watching the show last week but quite predictably I suppose the .net site had snagged / crashed on the TV popularity rocks and was not available. I found Hugh's fishy Twitter stream and from there found Hugh's fishy Facebook page where I was able to sign up. At the time something like 150,000 odd people had signed up and I saw and update email from Hugh a few days ago to say how stoked he was that he'd reached 300k and that he'd love to shoot for the half-million. Well just 3 days later here we are - power to the people, micro-chips and his celebrity chumps Ramsay St, Oliver and the food-come-scientist Blumingfelloffthementalchart. Pass me some Turkey Twizzlers and break open the tartar sauce Hugh's done it - doubling his target 250k supporters about 5 months ahead of plan! Awesomeness.

On a socail media note "Good catch" chef Fearnley Whittingstall also for the fishy widget [cast your eyes over the tasty fish widget below] for goody two-shoes bloggers to share the f-word further. If you love eating fish hook yourself up with the widget now.

P.S. You are clearly slightly queer if you don't eat the skin / batter - it's the best bit.

Cash in the Attic search for lost Hirst shark art and Vincent's fish pickle

A post exploring the lost material world of Damien Hirst's shark and Vincent’s alter ego.

Remember recently I told you about my Damien Hirst Shark that's lost in the attic. Well I still can't find it, but it's definitely up there, unless the international art tiddler thieves have paid me a visit. Anyway I'm thinking the best solution to finding and selling my shark is getting the wide-boys from the BBC's Cash in the Attic team to head up there with their flash lights, pin stripe suits and clipboards. I'll be in touch by the usual channels etc. Or I'll just flog it on eBay with the usual sob story. I have a hole in my wallet the size of a mortgage that I need to fill - and to feed some hungry mouths - that's why I'm hawking the shark and selling my prized Triumph GT6 etc.

This week I popped up to my mum and dads for a rare family visit, one of the benefits of almost living on benefits. My mum and dad are lovely people. Life hasn't been too kind to them. My dad has a wonky leg and my mum has MS. But that's never stopped them nor has it stopped them from being ace. They are super generous and have bailed me out of many a hole over the years. Thanks mom n pops. And mom makes the best spicy tomato chutney. I couldn't resist bringing a few more jars home with me to add to my personal pickle mountain.

Thinking I could do something good with the pickle, I endeavored to launch the worlds first ever Twitter pickle contest. Genius. Promoting the contest via my Twitter, Facebook, Twitpic and my blog like you do. A few days in, and with a respectable volume of eyeballs, a few generous re-tweeters, and a lot of chutney fun, I noticed that absolutely nobody had gone to the trouble of actually entering. Hmmm.

I can make several assumption based on the data available and some marketing woolyness --->

[A] That no one [except me] knows how good my mums pickle is and no one loves her.

[B] That my prize value was simply not tasty enough to get people out of bed. Echoing something digital Jedi Matt Morrison from Porter Novelli said at WOMUK’s espresso briefing - about needing king-size round the world trip size prizes to get a king-size reaction. My professional experience in online marketing supports this, unlike my personal micro pickle campaign.

[C] You need to start with a bigger base than my modest circle of lazy friends and followers to acheive a mega viral reach.

[D] Ohh and that you need to be reactive and know when to stop flogging a dead horse, cow, sheep, shark, or pickled tomato.

[E] That you need to combine all the above with a super compelling campaign - as nicely put by the guys at WeAreVI on their very pretty looking blog this week.

[F] Or finally finally that I'm just twittering on to myself, like an schizophrenic with an invisible friend [but the data just doesn't support that thankfully].


Anyway, I decided to change the rules of the game and to shut it down. And I've rewarded the most engaging and interesting twitti-pants with chutney prizes. The winners are frequent re-tweeter and chutney ferret @PipWilson and @vincentstinks a digital nerd with an artistic alter-ego, who in his altered state of artistic-ness, and not unlike the shark man of yesteryear, is selling his work through the Saatchi Gallery, nice work monsieur bixentro.

I'd like to point out to Vincent that owning a Hirst shark doesn't necessarily make you a materialistic whore. I was just a canny kid in the right place at the right time that landed a little big fish. I'm letting it go [to the highest bidder] for elastic rather than plastic reasons. If and when I sell it, I'll give at least a small percentage to a charity of my mum’s choosing.

Legal fluff: If anyone actually enters the chutney competition naturally I’ll honor the terms of the contest and prizes, from the aforementioned chutney mountain. The closing date is midnight 15th November.

Win a jar of my mums spicy tomato pickle

I've just been rummaging around in the attic for my Damien Hirst plastic shark so I can flog it on eBay. Could not find it. I did find a box of my adult toys so I thought I'd have some fun rather than looking for a job / flogging stuff.

So no kidding then. A jam jar full of my mums spicy pickle up for grabs. It could be yours. It's fantastic with cheese. All you have to do is send a tweet to me at @benferrier cramming in as many toys as you can see above in to your tweet. More info available here on Twitpic.

Please RT btw. As a special bonus I'll put everyone that re-tweets in to a cowboy hat and randomly pick a runner up. The runner up wins a slightly smaller jar of the same spicy heaven.

You'll need to be clever with your 140 characters and with the toys you list. Competition closes midnight 15th November. I'll post both winners a jar of the spicy stuff anywhere in the World. Judges [that's me] decision is final on all counts. Winner will be notified and asked for mailing details by Twitter DM and announced here and on my Twitter. Naturally all your details will remain confidential and I won't flog them on to anyone. Etc.

If you are not on Twitter you are slightly behind the times, but no prejudice here. Feel free to leave your entry in the comment box below in no more than 140 characters including @benferrier and spaces e.g. "@benferrier battleship, green thing, wood thing, plastic thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah".

P.S. If you want to buy a 1973 Triumph GT6 in stunning sapphire blue check this out... My car is sadly for sale.

Why Frieze is Still Playing David Beckham and Missed a Trick Shot

I just read over on Artinfo.com that sales by young emerging artists were pretty good at the Frieze Art Fair. Which is nice. Hmmm. Reading between the lines of this bacon saving, I'm reading something more along the lines of "Art world struggling to sell stale art but managed to sell a few tit-bits". IMHO [and unless I totally missed something?] the show was not ‘hot’ and properly lacked guts. Where was the X-Factor, the bleeding edge and the genetically modified new blood? With a broad brush I’m saying that irrespective of age or emerging status, the majority of the Frieze fair art was actually bad monkey art grade unimaginative tosh.

Bouncing out of a recession Frieze 2009 was an opportunity to blow people and the cobwebs away, and to try something new. Let’s look at the spin picture another way, with the same devastatingly broad brush, the art world is founded on the principal of the Emperors Clothes, the opinion of a few and sales hype regurgitated and force fed down the throats of the beautiful people by clipboard clutching hawks. Absolutely there was some well executed and cool classical stuff going on at Frieze but blow me it was hard to find in the herds. Frieze is about art for walls [and floors], not art on walls. And sure it's fine to play David to pull the crowds. But moving on, where was the weird, wired and wonderful? And why doesn’t it sell, that’s the problem. The art herd needs a new LED powered sheep dog to lead it, and a new tune to whistle. Frieze you missed a trick, you old [show / sheep] dog.

Read my further Frieze Art Fair rantings ---> Freak Show at the Frieze Art Fair.

Freak Show at the Frieze Art Fair

Giving the art world a pasting!

I’ve been around the art block a few times and consider myself something of an expert in the art of artistic-mess. I’ve been an artist properly and lived on the poverty line and eaten rice with salad cream. I even sold a few bits n bobs, once to the bird who invented the Telly Tubbies and once to the guy who was chairman of the arts council at the time. Damon Albarn’s mum even paid my studio a visit once.

I’ve worked in the art world online for a dot com boom company selling limited edition artist prints. I met some of the big names and even spent a day at the shark mans house. I helped make his Eyestorm exhibition studio installation and was called upon to re-construct it when the cleaner tidied it up, thinking Hirst's window display [see slide 18] was a big mess left over from the exhibition opening night. Comedy. The truth revealed. And that's where and when I got Hirst to sign my own mini Physical Impossibility of Death in the Mind of Someone Living plastic shark art.

Way back in the day I ran around naked with a guy called Alex playing football with a basket ball and other exhibits for goal posts after a boozy private view at the Decima Gallery. And once I got sent home by porn peddler Gavin Griffiths for getting inebriated on opening night cocktails. Think I got a kiss out of Tracy Emin at the Islington Design Centre, but that could be the wine too. I even met Bez from the Happy Mondays and kissed his wife/bird/girlfriend [I was never that sure which one & slight non art tangent].

Once upon a time many moons ago I had a studio in Colchester, then one in Cambridge and then one in gun-toting Dalston. I’ve got my own collection of art that’s probably worth a few bob too, by some of the above and some great artists of my time. I got lucky and got them cheap, because I got what I liked when it was fresh and new. Even Banksy’s first ever commercial rude copper print that I picked up for a song and now it’s worth a small bomb. So in many respects I feel I’m qualified to speak my mind; it works so many different levels etc. My BA honours in Fine Art stands for Bad Attitude [honestly] in Farty Art today.

I paid a whooping sum for a pair of tickets to the Frieze Art Fair in Regents Park and went along today [yesterday now] for what I hoped would be an inspiring day out with the family. Thank f*** I got my tickets 2 for 1. After pumping £6 in to the parking meter too. The best value for money today by far was the £11 for one coffee, a cold drink and 2 sticky buns. Ouch. And WTF is going on art world!

What of the Frieze art then?

Notwithstanding a few classics, like a stunning Gary Hume bird painting, and a couple of hidden gems; namely the chess wall of the world and some amazing David Shrigley prints [a snip at the asking price of four thousand Euros a pop]. The rest of the floor show excited me as much as a trip to IKEA, and I didn’t even come home with an ice cube tray. The most engaging artwork for me was the bins. I was blown away by one rude old art world hag clutching her clipboard who snipped "You wont let her touch it will you" talking about my little girl that was running rings around a painted tree. Bitch. It's a bloody tree painted white.

Now I know Frieze is a commercial show but still please, lighten up, liven up and try and blow me away with some NOISY stuff. Not this same old same old static fireplace tish tosh. In the good words of a good friend [@diggz] that I bumped in to on the day "Where’s all the interactive stuff" or words to that effect. Hasn’t the world of art moved on since I last paid it a visit? Frankly I'd say nearly half of the tish-tosh at FAF falls in to the "I could definitely do better with a paint brush stuck up my ass" category. I’m genuinely saddened to hear the art world is recovering from the recession and people are buying this shit. Wake up you beautifully dressed shoppers, buy something you really love, don’t fall for the white-washed sales pitch.

Before you go be sure to read why I think Frieze is Still Playing David Beckham and Missing a Trick Shot.


A few hidden gems and some tish-tosh...

The community mouse catcher

I'm going to write some show and tell shit here about the freaky mouse fearing family down the street who are completely shit scared of live mice, or too posh to pounce. Sorry Pete ---> You know how inappropriate I can be. Please don't sue me.

To save community embarrassment / neighbourly shame / fun poking at the local pub, let's just call him neighbour "P", knocked on my door and asked me if I would come over and catch a potentially murderous mouse - because he's seen me holding a mouse the other day on my doorstep (quite true, don't ask). I thought it was a fantastic rouse to get me out to the pub for a few beers. Nope. So after copious amounts of "Are you serious?" it transpired quite seriously they had a mouse in the house.

Quote neighbour "P" ---> "I'm a record producer, I don't catch mice" or something like that.

Anyway after cornering the harmless furry rodent they didn't want to touch the thing and they wouldn't let the cat at it. In the process they'd turned the conservatory (not just any conservatory mind) totally upside down - sofas, rugs, coffee tables, the whole designer works. All on its head. Really it was like a kids play room / earth quake. Unbelievable. Royalty. Anyway problem quickly solved. Offending mouse dutifully picked up and lobbed over the patio wall in to the orchard (not just any old garden). He'll be back mind, with his mates, guns and knives ---> See artist's impression above. I'm sorry I laughed in your faces and asked if you'd been taking LSD in front of the kids. Jeeesus. Pussies.

So if you're in a tight mouse hole / spot and nobody else can help you. Just send me a fax or call and I'll be straight over to catch your mouse and sort you out. 0800 MOUSE CATCHER.

UPDATE ---> Because every tale should have a meaningful ending and one or two morals. Here are my mousey tail's salient points; 1) It's great to know you have a special skill that the community can call upon, even just once in a lifetime and even if your special skill is mouse holding, it's well funny and great that people can call upon you in times of great need. 2) Protect the weak and love thy mice fearing neigbours. That'll do micely.

P.S. Note to self. Remind me to write and update on the great Damien Hirst art crime story, including The Telegraph art cock up of the century, and to let you in on Becks plans to roll my "Dicks" design as the new bottle label globally! See my amazing Dicks entry and @Becks_Beer 09/09/09 for the scoop.

Holding Hirst's pencils to ransom

Love this art crime story from 100Artworks. Funny, crazy and a bit mental. I've actually gotta lotta respect for Mr Hirst and his own bottle... Long story. You just have to admire this street kids cheek though. The fullish story below as reported by 100Artworks today.

And read on if you want to buy a plastic fish by the shark fin soup man himself. ---> No kidding a real Damien Hirst shark for sale.

Cartrain has Stolen Damien Hirst's Pencils Theft or Ransom?

16 year old graffiti artist Cartrain walked into the Tate Britain (London) and removed a packet of pencils from one of Damien Hirst exhibits. Damien Hirst and Cartrain have a long-standing rocky history. Earlier this year Hirst targeted the young graffiti artist Cartrain using Design and Artists Copyright Society (DACS) for breach of copyright infringement on his latest series of artworks being sold via 100artworks.com.

The box of very rare "FABER CASTELL dated 1990 Mongol 482 series" pencils were removed from Damien Hirst's "PHARMACY installation" by Cartrain on Thursday the 2nd of July around 4pm. Not long after the pencils were removed from the installation a fake police 'appeal for assistance' posters appeared all around London.

This is the latest in a string of events surrounding the feud between the two artists. It began when Damien Hirst contracted the Design and Artists Copyright Society (DACS) to send a string of legal letters to Cartrain's art dealer Tom Cuthbert at 100artworks.com in regards to Cartrain's series of artworks 'For the Love of God'. The online gallery surrendered the artworks to Damien Hirst with a verbal apology. The legal grounds in which Hirst requested the artworks are very questionable and the story spread across the Internet like wild fire. The Independent, The Times, The Telegraph, The Guardian, The Daily Mail, Popbitch and many other online blogs reported it.

The urban art communities are currently heavily debating the actions of Cartrain and what his next steps will be. Is this a random act of vandalism or a calculated guerilla art stunt? Only time will tell.

Cartrain's Demands...

For the safe return of Damien Hirst's pencils I would like my artworks back that DACS and Hirst took off me in November. It’s not a large demand. He can have his pencils back when I get my artworks back. DACS are now not taking any notice of my emails and I have asked nicely more than five times to try and resolve this matter. Hirst has until the end of this month to resolve this or on 31st of July the pencils will be sharpened. He has been warned.


---> More on this art crime story. And don't forget to enter your own childish art in to my very own international talented street urchin and streetwise elephant art competition.

P.S. Real plastic hirst shark for sale

Let me know if you want to buy a unique completely authenticated 100% real plastic shark signed by the shark man himself. Like I said, a long story. Serious bids starting in the region of £150,0000 considered. Leave yer bids below. I just can't be arsed to stick it on Ebay.