Should have gone to crookedtongues.com

Thanks to my kind friend David Van Win for his less than kind words about my new shoes.

Oops. Last minute decision to buy a new pair of shoes for a special occasion - see above for result. When you need em before 8am next day your online casual sneaker options are limited. And if you live in St Albans your high street options are even more limited. Sure you could jump on a train to the big cheese in just twenty five minutes, but for a pair of sneakers it would be massively cost & carbon inefficient. I was in London on Saturday but I was sort of busy helping out at the Independent Label Market. Vinyl rules.

So today - with budget, the environment and speed in mind I nipped in to St Albans town center [fashion hell zone] in my filthy size? ten cons. First off Orifice to check their limited range, then to Sole to check their range that has not changed for 3 years. Then to the pimp my hoodie and pimp my denim stores - but that was a mistake. No shoe joy to boot. Final desperation resort... TK Maxx. No shame. Desperation called and conquered. Picked up the above tartan Superdry super shoes for a snip at less than £15. Bargain. Got home. Posted a litte photo to celebrate my Scottish heritage homage / tightness on Facebook. Within 5 seconds an old friend with a terrible taste in music called baby face David Van Win pipes-up with "id sooner lose my feet in a car crash..." - THANKS BABY DAVE.

These are the shoes I would have ordered online if I had time... A pair of Pointer Taylor's in WOLF from Crooked Tongues. "Wolf" is a cool name for a colour. Full stop. Hope you like these babies David?

Please don't laugh at my tartan shoes. I like them.

So you like shoes? Check this howlingly cool site out then: www.sneakerpedia.com.

Give my Triumph GT6 a good gnome

A good gnome these days is hard to find.

Have you ever searched for a gnome online? Not I. Not until today that is. A friend just posted a question on Facebook, he was asking if anyone knows where to buy a gnome. My instant reaction was "Gnomebase" - quite a few people "liked" that.

Anyway. So I went on my search for a gnome online. It's not as easy as you'd think to find the gnome you have in mind. You know the classic garden gnome. They're all plastic and novelty gnomes. Try scrolling thro 33 pages of gnomes on eBay and you'll see what I mean. The world has gone mad - GOOD QUALITY TRADITIONAL GARDEN GNOMES ARE NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND - it's like trying to find Osama Bin Laden in a haystack.

You can incidentally buy Gnome / Elf kits very cheaply for just a few pounds or less and these would make you look as much like OBL as you would look like a gnome or an elf or even one of snow whites seven dwarfs, even a smurf with a bit of blue face paint.

The long and the short of it is that if you're looking for the ideal Fathers Day gift don't bother with a gnome. Get yourself down to eBay before 3pm on Monday 9th May and snap yourself up my lovely vintage 1973 Triumph GT6 mk3. Not a plastic facsimile / pastiche of an original classic but the real sapphire blue real deal. It really is one of a kind. Happy shopping.

Read my sorry assed tale on eBay now and get bidding like a drunken gnome. Please share this link with your friends on Facebook, Twitter, email, morse code, carrier pigeon, on the back of a postcard, etc - http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/250807307211.

Cheers, Ben

What's in my sink dot com

Some filthy things in my sink.

Thinking about how stupidly easy it is to create a stupid idea for the first time in a short while I thought I'd share this ridiculous idea for a new website called "whatsinmysink.com" based entirely on the fabulous website called what's in my pocket dot com AKA "Everydaycarry.com" that I'd nearly forgotten about but I was reminded about five minutes ago on Facebook by my old IT Jedi master. I'm genuinely sink to death of washing up the same old stuff every day:p Would it not be far more interesting to wash up some other suckers dirty stuff?

What's in your dirty sink then?

Further to the above idea I'd also like to register my intent to set up the geo-location service called "We do any washing up dot com", "We buy your washing up dot com" and "I'll do your washing up dot com".

P.S. Further to the above again I'd just like to remind you of an old proverb that someone like Guy Kawaski [you know the one on Twitter.com] would probably post - along the lines of - "It's not what is your dirty sink that is the ball-ache. It's the mountain of filth on your IKEA worktop next to your sink that needs washing up that is the big problem." ~Disherwasherupicus

Tree things about Stella Artois trading E's for Christmas trees campaign

Saving trees and drinking beer.

Stella Artois today announced their augmented reality "Send a Card, Save a Tree" Christmas ecard campaign. Aiming to plant [or save or something like that] a million trees in the Argentinean Atlantic Rainforest [where the f*** is that], when a million ecards have been sent [wow - how many is that]. A jolly good Stella idea, which nobody can deny [US version] / and so say all of us [EN version].

Here are "tree" things I noticed.

1. It took five [gold ring pulls] to get past the [enter] DOB / location bit to even get started. The connect with Facebook link appeared to do nothing and the page kept locking up - like a mahogany chainsaw jam.

2. To get the whole 3D augmented reality xmas wizard ecard experience you need a webcam [I don't have one Santa!] and a "marker image" [WTF is that Santa?]. You are "present[ed]" with two ways to get the marker image 1. Print it out on your home printer [on paper, erm that's trees?], or 2. Download it to your mobile phone. Now, considering this is a tree-hugging campaign, I'd say the print at home option is a pretty ill-thought-out idea - no?

3. The whole thing is properly overly complicated to use, so not everyone will get to enjoy the full-bodied festive flavour. Definitely not after the 4 pint threshold. The "Claus" is lost in the confusion. There's "snow-way" my mum will get it. A simple "cut-down" version would save more trees?

I don't want to p**s on the Stella Christmas parade. It's nearly Christmas after all; a time for joy and a time for giving. Yes it's absolutely a good idea 4 good, and yes it's full of festive fun, but, maybe, M. Stella jumped the gun and didn't fully think it through? An extra day at the thinking before drinking table is worth its weight in gold/frankincense/mer[d*] [*French / Belgian spelling].

Oh, and like I said in our chat on Twitter, yes I'm very excited about Christmas and especially picking up my "sleigh-n" Christmas tree next weekend [oops!].

My campaign score card:

Goodwill: 5.0 ABV / 5.0 ABV
Execution: 8 pints [too many]
Timing: Good things come to those who wait.
Transparency: Clearly a few million email addresses to plunder is a result in anyone's book / Kindle etc.

Anyway, try it for yourself [responsibly] and tell Santa what you think in the comments box below ---> Go on send an eCard and save a tree with Stella Artois. Just do it OK.

P.S. Stella have not sent me a slab of fizzy festive fun to write this post, but I'd gladly retract some of it for an advent sized [24 x cans] slab of the wife-beater. Or a shiny new webcam.

P.P.S. Stella - have you got a cool "widget" that I can post on my blog for my blog fans to post ecards? [Whatever you do - do not scroll down].

P.P.P.S. Read stuff about other recent online campaigns that are clever - like the IKEA Facebook thing or the SonyEricsson Space Hopper thing.

IKEA Facebook campaign vs. The LEGO Matrix

Bricks vs. Clicks - The best sh*t I've seen on Twitter today.

I've just awarded some smart dude called Len Kendall my first ever tweet of the day award for something totally stupid - for Tweeting a LEGO re-creation of the Matrix bullet dodging roof top scene. Luke's award was in the fun bag genius category. With hindsight, the award should really have gone to the creators. Oops, just a small glitch - sorry guys.

Before all that Hollywood cr*p today there was some Swedish genius [wish I could say Norwegian Wood] - the IKEA Facebook campaign that spread like a nasty virus all over the net. A much more down to earth and a low budget production, but cool in some Matrix like special respects.

If you're looking for a brilliantly simple flat-packed example of how to blast out a cost effective, meaningful and impactful social media campaign, this is the one that sticks out ---> like a slow bullet to the head.

No point me parroting the who, where, why, what here is there. You can read all that twaddle on econsultancy, the digitalbuzz, or CNET.

Not only did this IKEA thing get IKEA customers to spread the love sentinels, it went balistic over the blogosphere, on Twitter, and on the marketing for dummies web too.

The Oracle suggests taking the blue and yellow pill today.

Extreme sheep herding and the sheep dipping point of social media

Welcome Earthlings. The eagle has landed and Close Encounters of the Third Kind are here for real, in your world. Yesterday, I was at The Future Laboratory’s New Normal trend briefing over in trendy new Kings Cross. Nice. Apparently now I’m a freelance journalist. Maybe I am. I’m certainly not working for free right now.

Anyway this New Normal business was good, thought provoking, packed with excellent visuals to keep you awake, free half time coffee, fat people and farting cow gags, and easy to swallow chatter boxing. Actually it’s not the case that cows fart methane, they belch it, and guess what there’s an app for that (well a science solution anyway). I got there an hour into the first session because of a baby dressing disaster and missed the first bit on Snap Shot Britain (Arse - I hope there’s a PDF for that on the LS:N trend site) and most of the bit about Generation Jones, but snuck conspicuously onto the front row just in time for the third bit called Brandtocracies (right up my street). The second session had interesting bits on Prohibition Culture and Homestead 3.0 (who comes up with these names?). And then I went home, had some dinner, put my jim-jams on and went to bed, via the pub quiz. Sadly none of the stuff I’d taken on board during the visit to Kings Cross came up. But unless you’re still hooked up to AOL dial-up or you’ve been hiding behind the sofa since last Christmas you may have noticed that the world isn’t the same place as it used to be and it’s changing, and is fortunately still spinning.

Now there were two completely brilliant visual things I just wanted to steal and pretend they are my own finds, which they are not and they are really quite dated but they are good. And well what’s new to me might just be new to you too so I wanted to share them here completely out of context. The first is the AUDI vs. BMW checkmate thing above (look up). And the second is the extreme sheep herding viral (click behind / or visit my YouTube channel). It was the sheep thing that got me thinking about the stuff I’m into. Art and design and social media and general cleverness and stupidity. So whilst a lot of the stuff the FL boys were waxing off about in the Brandtocracies bit yesterday, like the ‘we’ philosophy that I’m all too familiar with in a previous and current online life, was not so new to me. Maybe to some of the fat cows in the room all that shit was brand new, news even. And maybe just maybe one of them will drive home in their sporty electric car to their practical and eco-aware RFID live and eco-regulated home, slip in to some loose house pants, drink a responsible glass of local wine, munch on a South African banana and a tiny portion of sustainable cheese - or two, take a piss in the shower, slip in to their big hand crafted smoking bed and have a big fat eureka moment. Think it’s a good idea to dip their toes in the social media swimming pool and pay a cheeky swine like me to come in to their world and get down with the people they really need to engage with in a socializingly collaborative, creative and conversational way. Everyone else that’s smart out there seems to be doing the warm social thing, and there’s nothing like following the herd. Word up. Btw, do cigarette companies do word of mouth, or just social cancer?

Micro hooker robots taking over the world?

I love robots. Big ones, small ones, clever ones, dangerous ones armed to the teeth, stupid ones, subservient ones and robots with a social conscience. So I'm taking a look at www.robo.to today after stumbling across it in the New York Times in an article by Jenna Wortham about micro video blogging. It's really quite interesting and this robo creature could take over the world. Unless the real world wakes up one day and says fuck it lets go outside and roll in some mud, it's not like we need more robots.

It's like Twitter meets LinkedIn meets Flickr meets YouTube all in one boiled down n spicy robo-reggae-sauce. The main big deal is the 4 second video status update. You can use photos too. Shoot something and send it in. Update your Facebook and Twitter profile instamatically. Bobs yer uncle. If you shoot over 4 secs it even chops your movie down. Hey presto no fiddly editing. Best of all its super simple and uses some slick 2zero tech with sweet n savoury features.

This things gonna go two ways, it's highly likely to get swamped by porn and bot vid hookers, crammmmmed full of daily dull as dishwater drearyness [I'm already bored of the guy eating food], or people are gonna use it to be super creative ---> in 4 second flat-pack robo style.

Good robo things:

1. Looks great. Sounds great - it's got personality on so many different levels. Almost works great too.

2. Upload 4 sec updates via email works, really fast. And you can get a fresh private mailto address on the fly. Neat. P.S. I don't have an iRobot Phone.

3. Features in simple flexible modules like GoogleMe (sweet), LinkedIn, Google map that lets you can choose zoom level for privacy [or for hookers right down to your favourite back alley]. And no need to click save for everything you do. My mum wouldn't have a clue - in a good way. Mind you failed to get Flickr working (no bother).

Bad robot and annoying stuff:

1. My robo profile page [http://robo.to/benferrier] failed to display the movies I uploaded by email ;-< Plain daft. The same videos work fine in the robo TV mode. Derrrrrrr.

1.1 Actually robo fans the TV mode should be the default view really. The movies r where the robo meal ticket is right? Currently its a bit disjointed and it's a bugger to get to - you'd never know it was there if you didn't find it. Obvious. Obviously.

2. Can not edit the video names / tags once you've uploaded / added them - the only option is to delete videos completely. Not a big deal. Not a big ask? Pain in the rusty robo ass.

3. Embed code for 4 sec vids flips the video inside out. Weird. Actually quite funny if you're using text - hey presto instant geek Greek - or if your face is asymmetrical or if you have a tattooed face [dick head].

Stupid ideas of my own:

1. Suck in Facebook friends, Twitter followers / followings, friend feed chums, noble country-men etc automatically into 'my crowd' - make crowd forming as easy as finding Elton Johns phone number in the men's room.

2. Import my Favourites list on to my profile - from IE etc, Twitter or both. Would be quite cool for LinkedIn, Blogger, Facebook too. Let people know what you're into etc. Has anyone done that already? It's a bit of a spazzer idea int it.

3. Give my robo weapons of mass social destruction. Give him an Androidian upgrade and dusty bins your uncle your one giant robo step away from landing synthetic human kind on Mars. Enuff.

4. Have some robo fun. What about a robo dufus of the day, global mexican robo wave app, robo Guess Who, all you can doodle, say, or do 4 second robo contest.


Right then, I've shared my ideas with the guys @particle on their handy feedback site. Actually I haven't in all this glorious filthy detail. Read my feedback on Get Satisfaction. BTW it was annoying that I had to sign in separately to feedback using GS. If only I could sign in with Twitter, Facebook, Google or my Robo details etc would have been nice. Grumbling bastard aren't I. Look forward to seeing this lot sorted out by this time next week.

Go robo. Thanks.

UPDATE 23rd Sept: Great service in response to my feedback to the guys at robo.to. Seems my profile card videos are working for you humans out there in the inter-world, but not for me when I'm logged in. Here's a shot of my robo page as it should look like all the time above and when it's buggy below..